My new blog:

I have a new blog! One chatting about not only food but also life in general and the things that make me happy. It's at:

http://thebeautifulblues.wordpress.com/

Day 3

Ewwwww, I am sick. A tummy bug is doing the rounds of our family - my son had it first, then my husband, and now my daughter and I have succumbed. Ew. I seriously can almost not keep up with the laundry.

I did a really indulgent thing today - I had a half hour sleep mid-morning! Thank you husband. xxxx

I've been thinking a lot about my photography over the last couple of days. I've been contracting to studios for over 10 years now, and it's been great. I've learned an incredible amount, worked with amazing people, and gained confidence, nous, and lifelong friendships.

For the last couple of years, though, I've been contemplating 'nreaking free' and starting my own studio. It's scary! If a client has a problem, it's up to me (and only me!) to fix it! And what if noone books me? What if I'm not good enough? In my rational moments none of this worries me, but at 3 in the morning it's another thing entirely.

I'm finally feeling ready to go for it, though, and one big reason is that I've taken the last year to shhoot a lot of personal work and really try and find out what makes me 'tick' as a photographer. As pretentious as it sounds to 'take time out to find myself as an artist' (cringe), it's been really helpful and my confidence has soared. I've discovered that while I admire many, many photographers (and other artists), all of whom have very different styles and approaches, I also have my own style and approach that's every bit as good and valid! And I'm sure there are people out there with whom my style will resonate, and who will be excited to book me to photograph them. So as I continue to build a body of work that represents my own vision, not that of a studio I'm shooting for, I'm also getting ready to order stationery with my logo on it, get a website live and kicking, and have a stand at a bridal fair to see what the reaction will be. I hope it;s good. I hope people will like what I do. But the fact is that I love shooting the way I want to, and I love it so much that I'm prepared to give it a shot. If nothing else I've got some great photos of my kids to treasure as a result of all my experimentation, and if I get nothing else, that's good enough.

So that's it for today. Noone wants to read about me eating cooked pumpkin soup and toast while I'm sick :-)

And of course I didn't exercise because I could seriously sleep all day. Tomorrow, or whenever I feel well again. Instead I'm just indulging in daydreams about cycling in the Swiss Jura. Mmmmmmmm....

28 Days Take 2: Days 1 and 2

I'm enjoying being a part of the 28-day program again! I haven;t done it perfectly - I'm getting lots of rpactice at not beating myself up! Actually, not beating myself up is pretty well ingrained as a habit now, and I'm happier for it.

Yesterday, day 1, I decided not to follow the program menu exactly, since I've started the program several times now and am kind of bored with the recipes! So I winged it. I had greapefruit juice for breakfast - yum! - and some grapes for morning tes. At lunch I had an avocado, cut in half and filled with a drizzle of olive oil and vinegar, and I had some mroe grapes as well. By mid-afternoon I got quite hungry, so I had a salad with lettuce, tomatoes, sundried tomatoes and olives. Dinner was more salad, with cucumber added as well.

I didn't exercise yesterday! I was feeling quite 'off' and exhausted, so my mental energy wasn;t quite up to the task of dragging me off the couch in the evening! Today I'll get it done, I feel much better.

Today I had to be up and out of the house early, adn after a very disrupted night with the kids I didn't get up in time to prepare food to take with me. Instead I bought a fruit smoothie for breakfast, and when I got home I had grapes and some sultanas for lunch. In between I also nibbled on the kids' bread rolls and had a couple of bites of my son's leftover biscuit. Not raw or remotely healthy, but I've eaten lots and lots of raw healthy food and I feel great anyway!

I've been taking photos each morning, and weighing myself, and I'm interested to see the change in me by the program's end! I'll post the photos when the program's finished. Seems easier than uploading one every day!

Happiness-wise I've made sure I've done something fun and not-food-oriented each day to keep me feeling indulged. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours gardening, which I love, while my baby girl sat on a blanket and watched, and smelled the lavendar and sage I pruned. Today I had my hair cut - always a treat! So I'm feeling overall positive, well and happy.

28-Day Raw Clease, take 2

Hello! Tomorrow is the first day of the 28-day transition to raw, again. Again. Again. Again. I keep doing this, and keep feeling like I'm starting and giving up, starting and giving up, but actually I'm getting closer and closer each time to making my very own 'normal' be the healthiest that it can possibly be.

Each time I do the raw cleanse - well, each time I start a raw cleanse and give up after a few days - I learn more about myself and I learn more ways to behave to make the clease work better for myself.
My helpful diet habit this time, and the thing I'm planning to focus on most, is to eat cut-up vegies as snacks if I get hungry bewteen meals. Seriously, I eat all the time and I'm so over it! It's a really uncomfortable compulsion and I'm just ready to let it go! Hopefully by just snacking on vegies I can wean myself off the unhelpful things I snack on. Often they're raw, but still make me feel glugged up, like date and coconut rolls for example. I can eat about 10 of those at once if I don;t watch myself! It's the old 'making myself feel pampered by eating treats' trick.

Tomorrow morning it's orange juice for breakfast and onwards from there. I'm looking forward to it! It's nice not to have to think about what to prepare. I've shopped for the first couple of days' ingredients, so I'm all set to go.

I've been riding my bike more regularly, in rpreparation for a big ride and a return to racing later in the year, but for the exercise component of this 4 week cleanse I'm planning to alternate between Koya's workout and Jules's yoga video every day. A nice way to do something for myself before I go to bed each night!

For the happiness component of this cleanse I'm going to start meditating. Every day! Meditating! I'll see how it goes and how I feel it helps me.

Until tomorrow!

Back to square one

I wish I was still eating raw food, and finding it easy, but the truth is I'm not. I have this idea of what I'd eat in 'the perfect day', and I usually start really well, then by lunchtime it's crumbling, and by evening it's all over red rover. I'm sick of wishing it was easy! It's not easy to eat a raw vegan diet, of course when I think logically it's not, but the more cooked food I eat the worse I feel, so that's a pretty strong message about how I should be eating.

The eve of my brother-in-law's wedding is not a great day on which to begin a 100% raw vegan diet anew. Their catering is long since organised and there won't be any raw food there. Not a problem, I'll do the best that I can and take it from there.

Tonight I ate pasta with a bought tomato pasta sauce and I now feel awful, so sick. But my baby just grinned at me in delight, so life is still more amazing than I can express! What a great way to regain some perspective :-)

Doing 'mostly raw' is really hard. It involves a lot more thinking than 100% raw because it involves always thinking about how much cooked food I've eaten in a given day, and what kind of food, and you'd be amazed at the excuses I can find to label a particular day as a 'special occasion' deserving of celebration via chocolate cake. I don't even like chocolate cake! The more I reflect on this, the more Jinjee's talk of food addiction makes sense. So I'm drawing the line and as from now I eat only raw food.

And the wedding? I'll do my very best. I'll drink only water, which is my favourite drink anyway, and I'm sure there will be a raw salad or two at the buffet, so I'll focus on those. I'll make sure I hve a  big salad for lunch beforehand, and maybe take some nuts to discreetly snack on.

Friday will be my birthday, and for that I hope I can get hold of some of the raw spiced fig balls that a company called Super Food Revolution sells at the loal farmer's market. My birthday is before the next market, but I'm going to emal SFR and see if I can get hold of some fig balls instead of a cake. If I can't then I'll make a raw cake.

I'm also interested in experimenting with different varieties and blends of herbal tea (made as sun tea) to see what effect they have on me, and whether their effect is different between raw and cooked. I've had various sun teas before, but not really focused fully on their effects (and to be honest I've loaded them with honey in the past, which I have now stopped eating).

Wish me luck! :-)

I'm ba-ack!

So after finishing the Garden Diet programs I was uncertain as to whether or not to continue this blog. I mean, I'm studying, working, raising my kids and all the rest of it! So by not blogging I thought I'd get a few minutes back in which to attend to some of the other stuff I do. Plus it seemed so neat and tidy finishing the blog at the end of the programs.

But.

Life's not neat and tidy, is it? And neither am I. So I've decided to continue. One day, in years to come, I may read back over this blog. I hope I'm not too embarrassed if I do!

For the last 3 weeks I've been kind of muddling along, making menu plans and not sticking to them, shopping for meals I haven;t ended up making, and eating more raw food than before the programs, but some cooked food (and junk food at that) too.

Enough, I decided! The way I've been eating during these last 3 weeks hasn't made me feel good, so I'm continuing the blog as a way to keep tabs on myself and pay attention to how I'm feeling.

My basic idea for how I'm going to eat is: A green smoothie for breakfast, a salad plate for lunch (lots of cut up vegies, some sauerkraut or sundried tomatoes or olives and some nut or seeed pate, all topped with a squeeze of lemon or lime), a drink in the afternoon (like a green juice or nut milk or blended watermelon) and a raw meal for dinner, which is when I'll try out lots of new raw recipes and share them with my family. My family will eat the same as me except that at lunch they can have bread as well, and at dinner they'll have a cooked dish as well as the raw one. So I've written a menu for the first week... let's see how I go!

(I also found the 'before and after' photos really motivating last time, so I'm going to keep going with them... updated photos coming tomorrow!)

Post-Diet and I can't eat unhealthy food!

I am never drinking again.

Not that I actually drink, or drank, any alcohol. I haven't drunk alcohol since I was pregnant with my 4-year-old, and before that I never drank much, just a glass of wine with dinner a few times a year. No, it's just that 'I'm never drinking again' is the classic post-party phrase of the seedy, and I kind of feel that way at the moment with some less good cooked foods.

So, the programs are over and I thought I'd relax a bit - still nothing like the way I used to eat, but just treat myself to some special yummy treats because I'd been avoiding them for so long. Over the last few days I've had a few Mint Slice biscuits and some of my husband's Indian take-away, plus about a quarter cup of pasta. Well, my body is reacting violently. I have a killer headache, sore throat, my glands are swollen and my body is stiff and aching. It's got to be the food. That can't be a coincidence. So it looks as though I'm going to stay eating raw foods for the forseeable future. I need that energy back, and the good feelings, and the feeling good!

There is a Free Guide to Raw at raw-pleasure.com.au and I'm working my way through the recipes in there. They all look super, and the ones I've had so far have been great.

From now on, then, tthere's no point messing around. Some cokoed foods seem fine for me (wholemeal bread, rice, pulses) in very small amounts, but it's all going to have to be healthy wholefoods and almost everything raw. I feel great about it actually, because I can see that here I definitely have a way to keep myself feeling fantastic for the long term.

My next challenge is designing foods to take with me on the bike on long rides. I'm thinking dried fruit balls, chia seeds in orange juice... I'll try some options and see what works.

Day 28! Last day of the 28-day program... and photos!

Day 28. The last day. I feel fantastic! Today I am revisiting the goals I had for this cleanse to see how well the program really worked for me. The day I began the Garden Diet programs I wrote:

Firstly, I want to lose the remainder of my baby weight, a couple of dress sizes, so that I'll once again fit into all the beautiful clothes I wore before I had kids.

Well, not all the weight is gone, but a lot of it certainly has. I fit into almost all my pre-baby clothes - just my jeans are a bit too tight to comfortably do up. But I'm continuing to lose weight and I have no doubt that I'll get there. I have no idea of my weight in kilos, but as far as fitting into clothes (and looking at photos of myself!) can tell me, I have lost siginificant weight. Yay me!

I also wanted this program to Change my perceptions. I want to move from viewing raw food as part of a healthy diet to considering it as a complete cuisine unto itself, which offers everything I need both nutritionally and spiritually, without me 'missing out' by not eating cooked foods. I want to walk past cooked foods without even considering them as applicable to me.

Again I'd say I'm well on the way to meeting this goal, without being completely there yet. In the raw diet I missed eating Japanese food, Indian food, Thai food, Middle Eastern food, Mediterranean tastes, and many other cuisines that I usually relish. During the next few weeks I plan to make raw food versions of these cuisines. For example, I miss Italian food, but if I add oregano and basil to a tomato and avocado salad, there's and Italian-inspired dish right there. And I'm sure the same is possible with the signature flavours of all the world's cuisines. I certainly had many days of 100% raw eating when I didn't feel that I was missing a thing, so my goal is within reach.

I wanted to Glow glow glow and feel vibrant, healthy and energetic.

This goal is definitely met in the way I feel, if not in the way I look. My eyes still look tired but then again I'm a very busy lass and I really am tired! A lot less tired than I was before the programs, and I do feel glowing and vibrant, healthy and energetic, and am feeling more and more so by the day.

I wanted to Integrate exercise back into my daily life - I was once fairly fit and I long to recapture that feeling.
Hmmm, I'm still working on that one. That's my fault, not the program's! And I am definitely moving in the right direction in this area as well. I went for a run today and felt amazing!  Quick and light and fast, my blood was pumping and I felt on top of the world. Yeeha!

Finlly, I wanted to Get over thinking about food all the time in a negative, guilty, deprivation-oriented way and instead bubble with joy at the beautiful raw foods I am lucky enough to be able to enjoy.
Done. Tick. Accomplished. Tonight we had dinner at my borther-in-law's house, a barbecue. I had salad and some bread, and it was so much less satisfying than the wonderful, varied, creative recipes on the program. I love food and am really enjoying it, completely free of guilt or any other negativity, whether I am following the program properly or not! Incredible!

A major strength of the program for me was its three-pronged focus: food, exercise and happiness. While I suspect that for most people the happiness bit is a cute little add-on, for me it has been the most transforming and enriching part of the program for sure. As a result of doing them I feel more centred, more present, more alive, and, yes, happier!

Some photos from today (I did some in the clothes I wore at the start, and some in my running clothes, which I now feel confident to wear! Yeeha! Check out how loose my previously stretched-tight t-shirt is!):

So I'm still a bit uncertain about where to go from here. I do love eating raw food and I'd love to take the raw diet with me into the future. I do feel ehalthier, better, and much more energetic on raw foods. I also suspect that over time if I eat cooked foods I will eat more and more, until my diet is back to where it was before Is tarted the Garden Diet. At the same time I can't see myself excluding all cooked foods long-term - it's just too restrictive for me right now. So for the next three weeks I'm going to do the 21-day Garden Diet cleanse, but alter the meals to incorporate more varied flavours, and eat occasional really healthy cooked foods if I need to. So sushi is fine, muffins are not. Vegan Dahl is fine, lasagne is not. It's generally pretty simple to work out which cooked foods are okay for me and which aren't, so I'll see how I go and I'll take stock again in another three weeks. I'll give exercise a red hot go again, and plan that this time it's here to stay.

Gotta go! Thanks for reading!

xx

Mich.





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Day 27

The second last day of the 28-day program. It's a bit of an anticlimax actually. The raw diet is now something I can carry forward into the rest of my life, and because I still eat tiny bits of cooked food, it's no hassle to adopt raw food as a permanent lifestyle change.

Exercise really needs to be my next big focus. I'm just not doing it, and I'm frustrated because I love the feeling of being strong and fit, and the activities I do to get and be fit! I really need to start making the time and just going for it. It's definitely easier not to - everything from life logistics to keeping my hair tidy are easier when I stroll with the pram instead of running - but I know that once I',m properly into an exercise habit again I won't be able to imagine living without it. I find it hard to believe, actually, how easily I've fallen into being a non-exerciser, since I used to define myself so much by my active lifestyle.

Today I ate raw food until dinner. Breakfast was a smoothie - orange juice, silverbeet, and plums. Lunch was a bowl of greens from the garden, with hot water poured over them (as hot as it could be without burning my hand, so the dish was still 'raw'), and chilli and ginger and pepper. Like a green soup. I also ate my son;s leftover mashed avocado and carrot sticks. I snacked a lot on fruit, and drank oodles of water. For dinner I ate cooked food, because we visited friends for dinner and I've decided to eat cooked food socially, so as to make the raw diet easier to maintain in the long term. After all, our social calendar isn't so wild that we're out very often!

Tomorrow is 'during' photo day again. I'm kinda nervous about it because I really haven't stuck to the program at all religiously, but my waistbands are telling me that I'm still losing weight, albeit slowly. Slow and steady is fine with me anyway! However, I'm not quite where I want my weight loss to take me - I still can't do up the (admittedly very small) jeans I wore before my most recent pregnancy, although I can put them on, which I couldn't do before I did this program! I am toying with whether or not to do the 21-day program again, as I thought I would, or whether to try and 'go it alone' for a while. At the moment I'm still tempted to do the program, and stick with it fairly closely, but experiment with adding different herbs and spices to change the flavours of the dishes. Extending their variety even further can't be a bad thing!

Photos coming tomorrow.....

Days 23, 24, 25 & 26!

Four days to catch up on. It's been chaos here! We've been so busy, my little ones have been awake at night, I've barely slept until last night. Nothing in particular is happening, we're just really busy! My husband's had some late nights working from home, there seems to have been more housework to do than normal for some reason, and the kids are waking at night in tag-team so that one night I was up for four hours straight. Usually they both sleep all night so it was a rude shock to be back in the weird world of sleep deprivation again!

I've stuck with eating mostly raw food throughout, and it's not been a problem. I haven't been using the program's recipes - with our busyness it's been easier to grab simple salads and fruit and handfuls of nuts rather than concentrate on new recipes. I am, however, looking forward to making the recipes over the next few weeks until I've tried them all.

As for exercise, are you kidding?? Tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm not working, so there's plenty of opportunity to get back on the bike. I've re-jigged my goal for Around the Bay in a Day. Doing the full loop (250k's) this year is going to be a huge stretch. If I'm going to do it I want to enjoy it, which means I'd need to train properly, and realistically with uni and the kids and work I'm not going to be able to pump out 6 or 8 hour rides on the weekends. It's a bigger training time committment than running a marathon. So I'm going to do the 100km option this year. My husband will do the whole loop and I'll catch a train to Sorrento, meet him, and try and hold his wheel back to Melbourne :-). I know I could go out and ride 100kms tomorrow with no training, I've ridden my bike enough in the past to know what to do and how to pace myself. This decision has taken the presure off hugely, I feel really happy with it, and I've still got something to train for (so I can do it fast!!). I'll do the 250k option the year after I finish uni. Those roads aren't going anywhere!

Some of the happiness exercises from the past few days have been:

--- Write about a dream you had for your life that you gave up:
 Mountaineering. For years I dreamed of climbing big, technical mountains. Peaks over 8000 metres. Remote, technial, no-rescue-possible stuff in Patagonia. K2. I read everything I could and I had my plan and when I was 21 I joined an expedition in Nepal. It wasn't anything fancy - it was a trip run by a tour company, and while I needed to have clearance from a doctor, basically anyone who was fit and healthy would have been allowed to sign up. It wasn't a technical climbing trip and no climbing experience was necessary. I did it because someone I loved had died in a climbing accident and I realised that life is short, and if there was something I wanted to do I had to do it immediately in case the chance to do it was taken from me. So instead of starting with a technical moutnaineering course in New Zealand and working my way up to bigger and more difficult climbs, I decided to spend my trust fund to get to the Himalayas asap. And rather than go to the places I could manage on my own, I signed up with the tour complany to go somewhere I lacked the experience and knowledge to get to myself. Somewhere more challenging, more remote, and more 'raw' (!!) than the places most tourists visit.

So why did I give up on my mountaineering dream? Well, on that trip I had issues with altitude - I couldn't go over 5580 metres, and the smallest of the two summits we attempted was 5950 metres, so I missed out on both summits. After that I realised that mountaineering wasn't for me what I tought it would be. It wasn't a transcendental experience, and it had little relationship to rock climbing (which was my passion at the time). It was basically walking slowly in very little oxygen, and feeling sick and hurting the entire time, for weeks at a time. The spectacular scenery grabbed my heart, it's true, but since that trip I've had no desire to climb peaks again. I'd rather walk quietly among them in a quieter, less aggressive, subtler manner. I now dream of going back to the Himalayas, and just sitting, watching.

 --- Write about a dream you still have for your life.
Oh, so many! Travel is a huge passion of mine and I dream about travelling to all sorts of places, speaking lots of languages, staying for ages, and getting to know places that most people don't. 

Another happiness exercise was to listen deeply, and write about whatever that activity motivated me to write about. I focused on concentrating deeply (taking the term 'listening' rather metaphorically) on the way I felt after eating anything. It's enlightening! It turns out that honey, raw honey, doesn't make me feel great. It's subtle but I noticed it, where I'd never focused enough to notice before. And it turns out that hommus made from cooked chick peas is fine for me! so is wholemeal bread if I don't eat much.

One really interesting happiness exercise was directed at those wanting to transition into their dream career. The exercise is to spend the first hour of each day working on that career. I am three quarters through a teaching degree. It's taking years because I'm doing it part time, but I'll finish at the end of next year. My semester starts next week, and I love the idea of getting up an hour earlier each day and doing uni work (will I love that idea when the alarm rings? I'll have to go to bed earlier). We'll see!

I'm making one more change to my life. I'm a list writer. Give me a goal and I'll give you a list of steps to get there. I love lists. They make me feel in control. Writing a list gives a warm, satisfying feeling of having done something tangible and constructive. I've written lists of things I'd love to buy or make to transform our little place into an organisational oasis. Lists of things to do to make my photography business a reality. Lists of races to enter. And hundreds of meal plans and exercise programs that I've never even begun to stick to. I'm realising that these lists are actually doing me no favours. Instead of writing the blessed list I could be doing something concrete and positive to actually get to the goal! The list is not a thing that achieves the goal! It's not a real thing, it;s a crutch that distracts me from the fact that I haven't actually done anything! And writing the list feels so good that once it is written, I bask in the satisfied glow of having completed the list, mentally congratulate myself, set the list neatly aside without doing a single thing it says. So, no more lists! Whenever I'm tempted to write a list I'm instead doing something that will lead to results. So now my house looks like a bomb has hit it as I am in the middle of 'spring cleaning' and reorganisation! The lounge room is a calm oasis, the hallway cupboard is an organised joy to behold, the rest of the place is a work in progress :-).

Whether that last paragraph is relevant to raw food or not I'm not sure, except that having the program has freed me from writing my own shopping list and menu plan, and the liberation I feel caused me to reflect on lists in general and their role in my life. So I bid them farewell.

Day 22

There are so many possible green smoothie combinations! They are wonderful! Extremely tasty and satisfying.

Breakfast today was orange juice, a peach, and apple, and silverbeet, all blended up into liquidy goodness. Lunch was another smoothie - orange juice, pineapple and silverbeet. My green smoothie week is very handy for using up the silverbeet that is everywhere in our vegie garden at the moment! I snacked in the afternoon, on nuts and a nashi pear and some grapes. Dinner wasn't a smoothie... I am a smoothie cleanse cheat! I made ratatouille for the boys and it smelled so extremely beautiful that I decided to go for it and have a bowl full. It was great and I feel great now too. Back to smoothies tomorrow :-)

I had some knee pain this morning after yesterday's ride, so I've cancelled today's ride and I'll do some yoga and pilates tonight instead. My knees are not in great shape. They are tracking strangely as a result of weak quad muscles and tight hamstrings and ITB. The bike riding should help enormously, as it will strengthen my quads quick smart, but I'm happy to ease into it and let my body adapt before getting too full-on with training. I do love it though - I'll be back on tomorrow for sure.

Today's journal exercise is to reflect on things I've learned about myself through facing challenges. I find this a really difficult exercise and I'm not satisfied that my answers so far are in any way 'complete', but I'm giving it a go and so far I feel that I've learned:

That life is short, a lot shorter than I really understand, and to make the most of my life it is important to be authentic, to be true to myself and my desires and my values and beliefs. If I want to do something I only have one short life in which to do it, so I'd better get going!

I've never been glad that I didn't do something because I was afraid of it, but I'm so glad for all of the things that I've done despite intense fear! Facing fearful situations has led me to some wonderful jobs, wonderful friendships, wonderful outdoor experiences, I've seen amazing places an dI've been let into amazing lives thta I otherwise wouldn't have encountered. So fear alone isn't a good reason not to do something - the 'comfort zone' isn;t always the most fulfilling place in which to be.

I'm a lot stronger and more capable than I might think. I'm brave and calm.

The gretest challenges that I've undertaken have led me to the greatest rewards of my life.

A challenge can be welcomed, and by welconing a challenge I am invigorated and I enjoy the process of facing the challenge and I learn and grow a lot more than if I simply struggle through the challenge to get it over with. Take that, childbirth and uni assignments! :-)

Day 21

Green smoothie day! There are a million variations on green smoothies so I'm not bored after one day. My favourite one was a tie between lunch (watermelon with mint) and dinner (orange juice, nectarines, banana and silverbeet). Both delicious and over far too quickly! We ate at my parents-in-law for dinner tonight, but rather than make my smoothie there I had it just beofre we left home. I didn;t feel awkward eating nothign at the dinner table though, because I sat my daughter on my lap and fed her, so I was occupied anyyway. Plus I nibbled on salad bits from my son's plate when he was finished, so I blended in with hat everyone else was doing anyway.

I am noticing though that I just can't seem to stay full, at least I couldn't today. I was constantly hungry! I ended up eating a few nectarines and two raw 'spiced fig balls' that I bought at the farmer's market - wonderful. Really wonderful. I tried to see what was in the fig balls - it looked like dried figs, dates, various nuts, pepitas, some other dried fruits, cardamom, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and more. Absolutely devine. I'll be trying to make some myself, they were so good.

I finally got back on the bike today! Just 45 minutes on the home trainer, but it's a start. My knees both 'click' when under load, and it bothers me so much that I've stopped runing until I fix this issue. I'm focusing on  cycling to build the muscles around the knee, and yoga to increase those muscles' flexibility, strategies which I hope will allow it to track properly and eliminate the clicking. I really enjyoed being back on the bike - my inertia was lifted and I feel both physically and metaphorically 'in motion' again.

Today's happiness exercise is to notice and get excited about our thoughts about ehat we want to create within our lives. I've been focusing on thiniing about an exciting new venture - after 10 years of working for other people I am about to launch my own photography business, and that is exciting and scary as anything! My thought all revolved around light today - the endless search for perfect light and new perfect ways to use it in my work. I'm committed to being reall authentic to my own vision and not being driven by market demands. I'm going to be a teacher when I finish uni in 2 years, so I don;t have to rely on making lots of bookings with my photography. I can just stick to what resonates with me and then the clients to whom that appeals will find me. It's a thrilling and liberating prospect and one that has occupied my mind for weeks!

Days 18, 19 and 20

Over the last few days my raw diet has felt really 'settled in' and I'm starting to feel quite independant from the transition-to-raw program. There's still the rest of this week and next week to go, and there are heaps of new and delicious-looking recipes, but I'm deviating from the menu a lot and designing my own meals. Most of my meals are quite simple at the moment - a salad with leafy greens, avocado and tomato, or an OJ smoothie, or fruit, and I'm eating far fewer nuts than I was when I began the raw programs. I'll definitely try all the recipes in the program at some stage, but I've been really busy these past few days and it's been easiest just to grab fruit or make a simple salad when I'm in a rush, rather than make an unfamiliar recipe. One I do have to mention, though, is the avocado and kiwi salad. Simply devine, and my 4 year old and 6 month old both loved it too!

My health has been a bit sub-par these past few days, with mild headaches, a sore throat and tiredness. It seems like a detox reaction to me, so I'm just rolling with it for now and hoping that soon I'll feel great again. It's meant that I haven't done any exercise, and today when the opportunity arose I had a sleep instead!

I think that sleep is the next part of my lifestyle to address. I really don't sleep enough. By the time the children are asleep it's usually already 10pm, then my husband and I both really need some time together, so it can be midnight before we go to bed. Well, I've always preferred to go to bed at 10 myself, so I'm planning to try and get to bed by 10 each night and get up at 6am. That would give me time for some yoga first thing in the morning, and fit in with my 'body clock' much better than my current pattern. I tend to get quite 'snacky' at night and continually wander into the kitchen for dates or fruit. I'm sure this is because I'm trying to get energy to stay awake, and the staying up late messes with my body's hungry/full chemistry, and I'd really like to lose more weight and get off the plateau that I feel I've been on for a couple of weeks. An earlier bed time will keep me out of the kitchen at night!

Another thing I'll be doing to get off that plateau is a green smoothie cleanse. It's not part of the program but I'm burning to do it in the same way that I was burning to do the raw programs before I started. I'm starting tomorrow, and I'll do a 5 day green smoothie and raw green soup cleanse and then ease back into eating non-blended foods. I don't even really know why I'm doing it, because I'm sure I could lose more weight and still eat solid foods, but my body is craving green smoothies and I'm going to listen to what it is telling me! It's great to feel this fired up about something so good for me.

I smelled a lolly today - someone opened a bag of jelly snakes near me - and all I smelled was offensive chemicals. I can't believe I used to eat those and think they were a yummy treat! This diet has helped me easily give up a few things I have tried to give up eating many times, previously without complete success: chocolate, lollies, cakes, biscuits, hot chocolate, soy products, cheese, wheat products. A pretty impressive list I reckon!

I haven't been doing the program's happiness exercies these psat few days, instead I've been really involved in directing my own thoughts and meditations. I've been noticing, and amazed by, the extremely close relationship between my attention and my children's behaviour. When I focus all my atention on them, gee they behave well. I know that; a well known parenting fact, but I'm really aware now of the extent to which it is true. Not that I usually ignore the kids (!!), but increasing the intensity of my focus upon them is really rewarding for all of us. My son has been particularly affectionate and loving lately, which is a gratifying reward for my increased awareness!

Day 17

Raw was easy and breezy today, thank heavens. Cravings aren't really bothering me at the moment and I'm feeling good. I haven't been doing exrecise though. Once again I'm not booking it into my day - not scheduling it properly. That big bike ride is getting closer so I'd better get back into it!

My food today was awesome, but I felt hungry all day! It happens from time to time when my daughter is going through a growth spurt and breastfeeding mroe than usual. Breakfast was an orange, banana and blueberry smoothie, and while a smoothie usually keeps me full until lunchtime, today I was hungry again by 9:30am! I snacked on fruit throughout the morning, then had a celery soup for lunch. It was fabulous! I didn't blend it all that much - I didn't want it totally liquified, more like a mushy salad. I loved it. For dinner I deviated from the program's menu to make a fennel salad. I love fennel and haven't eaten it for ages, so when I saw the fennel bulbs in the shop I grabbed one with glee. I had raw broccoli and cauliflower with it, just because there aw some leftover when I rpepared my family's dinner. They had stir-fry, which is a great meal to make raw and cooked simultaneously. I chopped ingredients for everyone and just kept mine aside while I cooked theirs. Through the day I've also snacked on dates and nuts - super hunger busters!

Today's happiness exercise is to live our lives in a spirit of contribution. Well yesterday I did something I've been wanting to do for years and never got around to doing - I sponsored a child! So today when I bought some things I wanted for myself I made sure I spent a bit less, so that I can pay for my sponsorship. And doing that, contributing to improving the life of someone so much less fortunate than me, made me incredibly happy and I felt high on that all day. I was very patient and gentle with my kids, and gave them lots of attention, thinking all the time of children who are not so lucky. I feel so fortunate that I'm in a position to do something that can bring such joy to me as well as to others!

Day 16

The deep cleanse week is over and we're back to 'normal' raw vegan food - richer, more filling and varied than the deep cleanse menu. And I love it! Raw vegan eating is suddenly really easy again, now that I'm discovering new recipes again and eating with what feels like no restriction. I love it! The fact that a raw vegan diet seems unrestricted to me now shows the extent to which I have adopted a new normal.

Breakfast today was supposed to be a green smoothie, and I bought the ingredients but was halfway through my morning, and away from home, before I realised I forgot to make breakfast! Preschool days mean busy mornings :-). I bought myself a watermelonjuice instead - fresh, invigorating and so yummy! Lunch was fantastic - a recipe I've never had before - a sprout salad with avocado and the most delicious cashew nutdressing. The quantity was big enough that I had the leftovers for dinner! It worked really well having my dinner already made so I only had to cook for the boys rather than making two meals - I might try and do that more often. In between meals I snacked on fruit - lovely fresh plums :-).

The rain kept me off the bike and stopped me from running today - I like to run in the rain but it's not really fair on my baby to take her with me in the pram when it's pouring! Instead I'll do Koya's workout tonight when my son is asleep, and yoga as well if I'm not too sleepy.

Today's happiness exercise is to contemplate how I can live more lovingly, and to make a list of questions related to my life and related to loving. It's a challenging one but so far I have come up with the following:

How can I be more 'in the moment' to turn my whole focus on my husband and kids? How can I best show them how much I love them?

Days 13, 14 and 15

Wow, three days behind! There's a reason. My husband has been working on a huuuuuge work project and has been living, eating, and (not) sleeping at the computer for days. Poor guy is glad it's nearly finished! Bathing the kids and washing the dishes seems like a picnic by comparison!

Saturday (Day 13) was a great day. It was the first day for ages that I didn't eat a single bite of cooked food - no nibbles of my son's leftovers or 'tastes' of the cooking. I had orange juice for breakfast and felt wonderful afterwards, and salads for lunch and dinner. The dinner was actually supposed to be a green juice, but since my juicer is dead I ate the ingredients instead of juicing them. I snacked on fruit and nuts and it was so easy.

Yesterday I photographed a wedding and I didn't eat cooked food! That's huge, since I usully 'need' it after work, but yesterday's wedding was in the morning and I was out of there by lunchtime. I had a great shoot powered by OJ :-) and felt happy, energetic and centred. After work, though, I met my family in the park instead of at home, and we ate lunch out. There was only one cafe near where we were, my son was drenched and euphoric playing in the fountain, and there was no way I was dragging him away just to find raw food! I ate a vegie burger. It was a good homemade one, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to - it felt greasy from the grill and a bit strange. Today I have my first pimple in many months - maybe thanks to the burger? Dinner was supposed to be almond milk but I'd forgotten to soak almonds and we were off to my in-laws' for dinner, so I made the fruit salad I'd meant to have for lunch. Mmmmmmm! My son ate some too - he's always loved raw fruits, nuts and vegies.

Today I again adjusted the menu. Breakfast was supposed to be bananas and blueberries, but I just can't face anything except orange juice for breakfast now! Lunch was a cucumber salad which tasted amazing - fresh and zesty and fun - but which didn't keep me full for long. When I got hungry I made another salad, like the cucumber one but with celery instead of cucumber. Tasty! Dinner was again supposed to be almond milk but I ended up having a salad of mixed green leaves. Just felt like it. I also tasted some of the rice and lentil salald I made for my husband - it was yummy and I felt fine afterwards.

I'd been feeling a bit discouraged by my almost daily 'cheating' on the program. After all, I committed to doing the program and I'm not doing it properly, so I'm not getting the maximum possible benefit out of it. On the other hand, I am getting an amazing amount out of it regardless, and the option is always there to do it again (and again and again!) and keep testing different aspects of this new lifestyle. Today's daily instructions included some lovely heartening words about not giving up, about the benefits to sticking with the program to come even if we have cheated, and about how much easier this process is going to become as we move forwards. It was a great mental pick-me-up!

I haven't done any formal exercise over the past few days. While my husband has been doing this huge work task I haven't wanted to ask him to mind the kids while I exercise, or to do any housework, so by the time the kids were asleep and the house was cleaned up I was truly ready for bed. Plus I've been reading a great book ('Breath' by Tim Winton), and since I so rarely indulge in reading fiction, I devoted all my spare seconds to it! I truly love reading. I'm on my way to becoming an English teacher so I'd want to love literature!


The happiness exercises for days 13 and 14 were ones that I'd already done during the 21-day cleanse, and while it would probably be beneficial to do them again I'm not going to do them now. The reason is that I'm really interested in today's happiness exercise and am going to jump straight to it! The exercise asks us to write about what we believe constitutes a healthy lifestyle (for ourselves). So:

I believe that for me a healthy lifestyle starts in the mind. When my thoughts are relaxed, happy, positive and confident, my lifestyle always improves.
I believe that diet and exercise are really two sides of one thing - like yin and yang. When I am exercising every day I desire fresh healthy whole-foods, and when I start eating fresh healthy whole-foods I have an increased drive to exercise. My muscles feel as though they are twitching with energy and ready to go!
I believe that fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds are essential to health.
I believe that meat and dairy products are ruinous to health.
The jury is out on whole grains for me. After this program I plan to try eating small amounts of rice, quinoa, barley, millet and other whole grains and see how that works for me.
I believe that wheat products are not good for me - they make my sinuses feel inflamed.
I believe that pulses are best (and yummiest!) eaten as sprouts.
I believe that consciously trying to eat a diet built on compassion has effects on the rest of our behaviour - we become more compassionate in other areas of our lives.

At this point I don't believe that I need to be a 100% raw vegan to be healthy. My idea of my 'ideal diet', which I plan to follow after this program, is:
Breakfast: Smoothie with orange juice, leafy greens, banana and berries.
Lunch: Raw soup or salad or vegies dipped into raw dip.
Dinner: One of the fancier raw recipes, plus a green juice (if the recipe doesn't include lots of greens). A couple of times a week I'll eat a few of spoonfuls of the cooked food I make for the boys, if it's steamed or baked vegies or stir fry or rice with beans/lentils - no wheat products or anything greasy. I'll experiment with raw ways to enjoy my favourite flavours, especially those from Indian, Asian, and South and Central American cuisines.
Snacks: Geen juice or almond milk or fruit. Raw biscuits! I've dreams up a recipe for sticky date cookies that I can't wait to try!
Food for on the bike on long rides: Raw biscuits, dates, nuts, fruit, nut milk, dried fruit, homemade cordial (it's raw and made with orange juice, orange zest, and maple syrup). I know most athletes can't handle fruit before a workout but I'm going to give it a go before I write it off. No sports gels for me, please!
Post-workout snack: Smoothie with orange juice and two bananas, or apples dipped in nut butter.

I'm looking forward to it! I'm salivating at the thought of all this wonderful raw food :-)

Day 12

My Mum is now a vegan. The same Mum who for the last 2 years has been incredibly concerned about my health on a  vegan diet and has implored me to eat some eggs... she is really excited and happy and I am so thrilled for her. Her enthusiasm has re-ignited my own. I've been really lackadaisical with raw foods lately - eating my raw foods, sure, but also snacking on cooked foods here and there. Today I loved my brazil nut milk for dinner (I didn't have almonds so Brazil nut milk it was) but also snacked on my son's leftover spring vegetable tagine. On the one hand I'm proud that a 'cheating' indulgence for me is now one of the healthiest cooked foods I can make, but on the other hand I feel I need to re-commit to a raw diet and examine how serious I am about it really in the long term.

It was ethical reasons that first made me vegan. I didn't really want to be a vegan - I loved cheese and yoghurt, eggs and meat. But I was interested in finding out where my food came from and how it was produced, and the more I learned the less I could eat animal foods at all. My new knowledge ruined them for me! I need a similar knowledge to make eating cooked foods unreconcilable wiht my conscience. As the glow of fresh excitement wears off and the novelty of raw veganism fades I need ethical motivation.

So far the one strong ethical reason I can think of for raw cuisine is that ossil suels are not being burned to cook my dinner. I need more inspiration!

I do want this raw thing to be a forever thing and I want the glow and aliveness that it promises. So I am determined to continue and not get bored and keep finding new recipes and making a new 'normal'.

Days 10 and 11

We've been at my parents' house these past two days and I'm noticing a huge change from the last time we visited. Last time I was really tempted by all the cooked goodies they have here, especially chocolate and bread, whereas now neither of those things hold any appeal whatsoever. So despite not sticking 100% to the program I've certainly changed my habits a lot in a really short time.

Yesterday I had orange juice for breakfast - my perennial favourite - and a few pieces of fruit hen I got hungry through the morning. For lunch I had a salad, and for dinner salad again. I also ate some cooked food - a few bits of a vegan vegie pie that Mum made to my recipe. I do wish I was eating 100% cooked foods, but I'm really practicing not beating myself up and I'm feeling that I'm getting closer to 100% raw every time.

I'm not, however, good at this cleanse week yet. It feels like deprivation in my mind, so I rebel, whereas the rest of the raw diet program feels like indulgence and luxury. Maybe next time I do the programs the raw cleanse week will be exactly right for me! Never say never.

Today I had a fruit smoothie for breakfast and fruit for lunch. Then, at dinner, disaster struck! We got stuck in transit on a train station and there was not a single raw thing to eat or drink! I was starving by then, we still had hours to travel, and the healthiest food around was not healthy at all. I got a slice of banana bread from a cafe because it was the 'healthiest' thing I could see. Ah well. Really I think it wouldn't be healthy to regret that since I did the best I could under the circumstances. The knock-on effect wasn't so good - I ate some chips that my husband had, because I was still hungry and we were on the train by then with no other food at all! Back on the wagon again now. I think one of the best things about this program is that it's forcing me to be persistent - to get back into raw foods every time I slip, rather than giving up each time. That's a good lesson to be learning.

I also learned the sillyness of scales in these past 2 days. I am 60kg first thing when I wake up, then 62 kilos later in the day, then 60.5 another time... I began this cleanse at 63.4 kg back on 1st January and if I'd been using the scales this whole time I'd have been really sad not to be losing more weight. However, I am losing a lot mroe than the scales show - my legs are much more slender and muscly and much less cellulite-infested, yay! It makes looking at them much nicer when I'm doing Downward Dog during yoga :-) My stomach is a lot flatter and my cheekbones are more defined. People are making comments like 'You've lost HEAPS of weight'. I'm close to fitting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. So I'll take that as proof of good progress despite the scales! I'm so glad I don't have scales at home.

My exercise over the past few days has been quite light. Since we are at my parents' house and it is raining constantly I've just let myself get a bit lazy. Again I'm not too worried since I am going home tomorrow to re-acquaint myself with my bike.

As for happiness exercises, yesterday we had to focus on 'Raw Vegan Foods I Love (fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, recipes)'. I love dates, blueberries, cucumber, cos lettuce, tomatoes, mangoes, brazil nuts, sunflower pate, avocadoes, bananas, oranges, the list goes on... I've never met a fruit, vegetable, nut or seed that I didn;t love! Seaweed is more of a challenge since I'm not used to including it in my diet very often, but I do love sushi so I'm thinking that raw nori filled with sunflower pate is a good start.



Today's happiness exercise is to write a poem, and once again I am avoiding that one till later!

Day 9

Day 9 of the 28-day program already! The time is flying. Today was not a good day for me diet-wise. I decided to modify the 'green cleansing day' because my juicer is broken and I couldn't therefore make green juice for breakfast. It was a shame, since I really enjoyed that green juice on the 21-day cleanse. I am saving my cents for a new juicer! A fancy powerful one that will extract all the goodness from my fruits and vegies. Meanwhile I manually juiced some oranges for breakfast, which were lovely.

For lunch I had the salad as prescribed, then in the afternoon it all went a bit haywire. I ate some olive bread with Nuttelex (a vegan butter substitute), and at dinner, instead of the fruit I had planned to eat, I ate some of my son's leftover Indian takeaway and even a few lollies! All of it made me feel unwell but I did it anyway. Why? Well the fruit I had was still hard and not ready to eat yet, so I just sort of grabbed what was there in front of me... Sigh. I am not beating myself up. But I do feel kinda flat about it. Still, before the cleanse I would have had a whole meal of Indian takeaway and this time I had 5 mouthfuls... breathe.

Exercise-wise I did Jules's raw yoga today, and that's it. And I'm exhausted. Not from the yoga - that made me feel great - but just generally. I hope this lifts soon!

Today's happiness exercise is to think about what I can do to be a proponent of raw vegan food to the world. For me that's a fairly easy question to answer. I believe that if I live what I believe - that a raw vegan diet is better for me than any other kind of diet - and if I lose weight and glow and am able to participate in sports, then people who are open-minded will ask about what I am doing and I can just answer their questions as they arise. Just today an acquaintance commented on my weight loss and I mentioned that I've been raw vegan all year so far. Her response was 'I might have to do that!' and I'm sure that if she is really curious she will investigate further. So I really think that all I have to do is be a raw vegan and let the results speak for themselves.

Day 8

A beautiful day and the first day of the deep cleansing week. An appropriate day in which to take steps towards a 'Garden Diet-like' change of circumstances! We are in the process of buying a block of land on which to build an eco-friendly house, and as many fruit trees as we can, and a huge vegie garden, and a beehive. It's very exciting and the block feels like a place where we could happily live for years and years. I've never had the desire to 'put down roots' before this, but all of a sudden I'd love to have a base to call home that really feels like 'us'. Fingers crossed that all goes well!

Today was a fruit-only day - my favourite day of the whole program! I love fruit so much, and if I had to choose one food group to eat to the exclusion of all others, fruit would be it. I actually started the day without a lot of fruit in the house, and it wasn't until late afternoon that I was able to buy more. Not a problem though - instead of planned meals I just ate a piece of fruit whenever I was hungry, and now I feel light as a feather, full of a warm and happy glow.

I haven't done any formal exercise yet today, but I plan to ride my bike on the home trainer tonight when the kids have settled down. It's really hot and humid at the moment so I hope it cools down as night falls! I feel full of energy so I'm looking forward to the ride.

Today's happiness exercise is to spend time thinking and then write about that thinking time. I spent time thinking about the miraculous things that have happened since I began the raw diet. One thing is that my Mum has started eating raw foods and is losing weight and feeling fabulous. Until now she has been completely against the raw diet (anthough she's always eaten ltos fo fresh raw food), and very concerned about my experiments with it. She's also read the China Study and has gone from being vocally concerned about my veganism to becoming an almost-vegan herself! (She plans, at this stage, to treat herself to a small piece of cheese very occasionally). That's a huge change and I'm thrilled to see her looking so healthy and sounding so happy. She looks a million years younger already! Another miracle is that I've lost the love-hate relationship I had with food. For a long time I've had this angel/devil thing going, where I'd eat really well one minute, then, in a sad, furtive, frantic way, stuff myself with junk food the next. I felt controlled by my cravings and de-powered by my actions. Now I feel calm, in control, and much more relaxed. This, in turn, has made me more confident, playful, easygoing and spontaneous. My husband is a happy man!

I'd never have imagined what a positive difference this diet could make in my life. I think the biggest thing has been 'don't beat yourself up'. After all, slip-ups notwithstanding I'm still losing weight, becoming healthier and feeling better and better. I'm so glad to leave behind the cycle of determination and guilt.

Days 6 and 7

Wow, I feel smashed. Yesterday I was back at work after 6 months off and talk about a huge day! I photographed a wedding. I was there until the bridal waltz and it was a wonderful but massive day. I'm exhausted!

Eating raw food during a wedding shoot was something I really had to plan for. Usually when I'm working I eat lunch in the car on the way to the wedding - generally a sandwich I've brought from home, and maybe some fruit. Then I have a huge day shooting, during which I snack on dried fruit, and on the way home I grab a wrap from subway, and a coffee and a little cake or a cookie. Yesterday I was staying at the wedding over dinner time, so I made some raw meals to take with me. I'd had orange juice for breakfast, and that kept me really full until lunch, which was meant to be raw tacos. Instead of making them as tacos (which would have been messy - I didn't want to turn up at a wedding with avocado all over me!) I made the taco ingredients into a salad. It was delicious and huge! For dinner the program stipulated 'wandaful slaw', but since that was the one recipe I really didn't like from the 21-day program I made a huge fruit salad for dinner instead. Boy, was that fruit salad amazing! I really needed all that energy and hydration after a big day! I wasn't at all envious of the wedding guests - I felt as though I had the best meal of the night. The one problem was that I didn't bring enough snack foods for between meals. As a result I was really hungry when I started the hour-long drive home, so on impulse I raced through McDonald's drive-through and bought fries. I'm not often a customer of McDonald's but they were the only food-selling place open at 11pm! And the fries were amazing. Warm and comforting and filled the hole in my stomach beautifully. So I don't regret them at all. Neither do I want to repeat my fry-buying, however, so I'll bring more food to next weekend's wedding!

Today's food has been great. A smoothie for breakfast! The best way to start the day! Lunch was a raw substitute for stir-fry and it was wonderful. I discovered about a year ago how eonderful raw leeks are in a salad, and I was glad to re-discover them in this recipe. Dinner was meant to be raw ice-cream (yeeha!) but I don't have a working freezer so I couldn't freeze the fruit for the recipe. Instead I snacked on fruit, nuts and dates for a really satisfying beautiful dinner.

I've discovered today that cheese is my go-to food when I am really tired. Cheese??!! I didn't eat cheese for a really long time, until my most recent pregnancy. Then I had strong cravings for it and one day I ate a bit that was left over from my son. I mean, it was just going in the bin, right? What's the difference if I eat it then? Well, the seal was broken and tiny morsels found their way in more often. First my son's leftovers, then a sliver of my own, then huge hunks. I haven't really wanted it recently but today I wanted it sooooo badly and I've eaten a couple of slices. Even brazil nuts didn't stop the cheese craving. I'm a bit disappointed, since I did;t even really enjoy the cheese when I ate it, and I'm sure I'll pay the price tomorrow by feeling unwell. However, I feel great about what I ate at the wedding and the fact that I drank a lot more water than I usually do at work - 2 litres plus what I drank at home before and after work. Prior to this diet I would have had dinner at the wedding, a fancy restaurant meal, and probably  piece of wedding cake. My clients yesterday also had a self-serve lolly bar as bomboniere, which in the past I would have sampled. So I'm still doing a lot better than I used to! As long as I keep improving I am a happy girl.

I didn;t do any formal exercise either yesterday or todday. Yesterday's wedding was exercise enough - I didn't sit down once and was on the move the whole time, carrying a heavy camera bag and a step ladder, and wielding kilos of camera as though ti was a feather! Today, as I said, I feel smashed, almost hung-over in a sense, and my whole being is crying out for rest. I'll do some yoga tonight, and then tomorrow get back ont he bike and back into the normal swing of things.

Yesterday's happiness exercise is to list 'why' I want to be raw. I've done this before during the 21-dap program, but I can;t exactly remember what I wrote. Some other reasons are:
To inspire my kids to be brave enough to do what's right for them, even if it isn't 'normal'.
To become more in tune with what my body needs.
To discover great new recipes.
To reduce my impact upon the environment.
To wow people with my great health and wellbeing and wow them again when I explain how it has come about! i.e. to let my inner celebrity shine! To show off! ;-)

Today's happiness exercise is a game called 'keeping the seal on'. I'm playing it in a real, physical way. With the deep cleansing week beginning tomorrow I am committed to doing it properly, to the letter - no cheating. I want to see how it works when done properly! So I'm putting a piece of paper in an envelope and sealing it. If I cheat I will open the envelope and write what I want to eat on the envelope. The instructions point out that the longer that envelope stays sealed, the prouder  will be, and I am already excited to think of doing something so great! Overcoming my desires and looking towards a greater benefit for me. It's a great mind-trick - it makes me look forward to the deep cleansing week even more as my competitive side can come out to play!

Day 5

You know what? Weight is suddenly no big deal to me. And, paradoxically, that is a really big deal! I am a woman in the Western world, come on! But suddenly I don't care what I weigh (actually I don't know what I weigh since I have no scales), I don't care what size my clothes are. I just care about being healthy, as healthy as I an possibly be. This is a new feeling and it's awesome! If I am healthy and fit and toned then whatever size I am is perfect. I've told myself this in the past, but today I suddenly feel it to be true, and it's liberating!

Today's breakfast was orange and grapefruit juice - yum! Juicing them manually was not a huge hassle and they come out different that way to the way they came out of my juicer - no foam on top and a different texture. Less juice per orange though, unfortunately. Lunch was sunflower pate, and I scooped it up with tomato wedges and zzucchini sticks. Lovely! Dinner was supposed to be avocado, tomato adn watercress salad, but I'd snacked on fruit in the afternoon adn wasn;t hungry at diinner time, so I let it go. Before this diet I'd never have skipped a meal! Now I find I am listening to my body and my hunger signals more, and the food I do eat is so delicious that it's emotionally satisfying, so I'm not feeling the need to eat when I'm not hungry, just for pleasure's sake, anywhere near as often as I used to.

I rode my bike again today, n the home trainer. I'd planned to do an hour but I stopped after half an hour. My right knee was sore, so I need to check my position on the bike, and I need my husband to help with that, and tonight while I was on the bike he was settling the baby, bless him, so hw wasn't free to help. After a good warmpu it was still hurting, so I though it was better to cut the session short than persever and possibly hurt myself. I followed the bike session with half an hour's yoga, and feel great as a result.

How do I get time to do the exercise? I don't watch any tv! I've got no idea about current affairs. My husband holds the fort while I exercise, and I do the same for him. I go to bed late (the raw food is definitely helping me feel less tired, so that's handy! I don't think I could stay up late every night otherwise). When uni starts again in a few weeks I'll be reading uni notes while on the home trainer. And so on. I'm fining that with enough motivation (i.e. Around the Bay) I manage to make the time.

Today's happiness exercise is to reflect on things we love to do, share, give and offer. It would be easy to do this exercise superficially, but the more I contemplate it the more complex and at the same time the more simple it becomes. 'Love' is the answer to all the above, but there's the balancing act of love towards myself versus love towards others. So riding my bike is love towards myself, and it requires my husband to love me by making it possible for me to ride, which is something he loves to do, but if I didn't ride would that allow me to love my husband more by allowing him to relax? Either way I am a lucky lady :-)

Day 4

My juicer broke!

Tragedy!

I tried to start it up to juice my grapefruits this morning, and nothing happened. No whirring. No sound like an aeroplane taking off. Nothing.

I juiced my grapefruits by hand instead.

Nyaaargh! What am I going to do? Citrus I can juice by hand, but other things?

Breakfast was worth all the effort though - a smoothie with grapefruit juice, banana and strawberries. Mmmmm! These are rapidly becoming my favourite breakfast, and when this program finishes smoothies will be my breakfast every day! It occurred to me this afternoon that I should make them green smoothies - the same as a normal fruit smoothie but with some leafy greens in as well. More greens can only be a good thing!

Lunch was meant to be kale subs, but I didn't want the mess so I used the same ingredients made into a salad instead. It was great - the whole family had it and loved it. Even my baby daughter enjoyed a bit of avocado! She's only started eating solid foods a week ago (okay, 'solid' is a stretch!) and avocado seems to be her favourite so far.

Dinner was supposed to be zucchini pasta with a tomato sauce, but we were visiting family and I didn't have enough ingredients to make enough of that dinner to share. Instead I made a fruit salad, which served as my meal and everyone else's dessert. It's become really easy to eat out with family because by now they all know about my raw diet and they're happy for me to bring my own food.

I feel strange today, physically. Since yesterdayI've been having dizzy spells. It tends to happen after I eat - my blood pressure drops, the whole world spins and I have to lie down. I suspect it could be a virus - it's happened in the past from time to time and always seems to sort itself out after a few days. Or maybe it could be a detox symptom? Either way I hope it clears up before Saturday - I work as a photographer and will be shooting a wedding. I'm guessing the bride and groom don't want tilted photos, or their day recorded from ground level!

The head spinning thing made me wary of hopping on my bike for a training ride, so instead I went for a walk for an hour. I ran a tiny bit of the way but didn't feel like my usual self, instead I felt flat and heavy and awkward, my feet were landing hard and that's not good when you run in 'barefoot shoes', so back to a walk it was. I really hope the dizzyness clears up soon. I'll gvive yoga a go tonight and see how it feels with the dizzyness.

Today's happiness exercise is to write 'Why I want to live and be healthy and beautiful'. So:

I love my life - I am extremely lucky. I live in a stunning place in a very fortunate country. I am freee to make the choices that are right for me. My values make me happy. I am married to the perfect man for me. Our children make the world a better (if messier!) place. I am lucky enough to know myself a little, and I'm getting to know myself better all the time, which means I can make choices and live a life that is in harmony with who I am. With such a fortunate life I am committed to living it to the max! My health allows me to do that - to do the things that bring me great happiness. As for beauty: when I feel beautiful I feel happy with myself! Of course outward beauty matters to me. I am nowhere near enlightened and I think it would take enormous enlightenment in a Western society (or any society, probably) not to be attached to my external appearance. What I really want, though, is that glow that shines from inside out that truly lovely people have, those giving, caring, nurturing people with great inner beauty. I desire wrinkles that give my face warmth! As I grow older I want my face to shine... the more I think about it, the more I realise that the people who I consider to be the most beautiful are people who have been alive for many decades - I don't want to call them 'elderly' as that imples a frailty that I don't necessarily see - people who have experienced a great deal and who have done wonderful, generous, giving things with their lives that show in their faces. Goodness shows in their faces. That's beauty. And I want to be beautiful like that because that's the way that people are supposed to be.

Days 2 and 3

We got home so late yeaterday that I collapsed without writing my blog post, so today I'm blogging both days' experiences at once.

I had a lovely day yesterday! Full of beautful food, but I didn't stick to the menu on the program. I'm getting really comfortable now with swapping and changing meals as it suits me. The program stipulated 'carob silk' for breakfast, which sounds divine and I'm super keen to try it. But it wasn't until mid-morning, after dropping my son at preschool and running around chasing errands at the shops, that I realised I'd forgotten to have breakfast! I was hungry by then so I got a freshly squeezed juice from a juice bar at the shopping centre. Juice bars are my new 'cafe'! For lunch I ate the leftover Gazpacho from the night before - delicious. Dinner was a tricky one. It was my mother-in-law's birthday and we had dinner at a local bistro. I've had salads there before and they are wonderful, so that's what I ordered. It was great, although it had some non-raw ingredients in the dressing I think. I had meant to ask for just some olive oil and lemon juice dressing, but between feeding the baby and chatting with the family I forgot. Still, a pretty good effort for a raw vegan restaurant meal. Then came cake time. I'd had a good think about what to do about the cake and decided that in the spirit of conviviality I would eat a tiny bit of cake at every birthday celebration as my only departure from the raw vegan diet. Well, it flattened me. 45 minutes later I was already feeling awul - I had a headache and felt depressed. Maybe it was the chocolate in the cake. I haven't had chocolate at all this year (!!!YAY!!!) until that sliver of cake, and I know that chocolate can give some people headaches, so maybe my new diet has made me extra sensitive to it. Anyway, it was a good lesson because it made me realise I need a new plan for celebrations. The new plan is to bring along a raw cake for everyone to share, in addition to the traditional birthday cake that is always featured! Problem solved! (An extra bonus: I get to make and try heaps of raw cake recipes to find the best ones to share!)

Exercise-wise yesterday I didn't do any at all. I had planned to do another bike session on the home trainer after the party, followed by yoga. Realistically that's the time when I can exercise during the week - either in the morning before the kids are up or at night when they are asleep. But as it was I got to bed at 1am. I wasn't going to exercise at that time of night!

Yesterday's happiness exercise was to make a committment to happiness. It resonated with me in that I have believed for a long time that we manifest into our lives that which we hold in our thoughts. I believe that when we focus on something we are alert to ways to bring that something into our lives, whatever it is, good or bad. After reading 'Illlusions' by Richard Bach over 10 years ago I realised that happiness is a choice. I can choose to be happy and then, boom, I am happy. And doing this diet has been such a positive thing for me, after a year of 'beating myself up' about losing my fitness and eating things that didn't help me, that in general happiness is coming pretty easily for me these days!

Today has been super positive. Breakfast was grapefruit juice - a favourite of mine - but I now know I only have to juice 4 instead of 8 (as the program sugggests) to have more than enough. Lunch was kelp noodles with a cashew-based 'cheezy' sauce. I couldn't find anywhere to buy kelp noodles, so I substituted cucumber sticks instead, which I dipped into the cheeze. It worked well. Dinner was raw apple pie. Yum! I snacked a lot today, more than usual. Maybe I should have had all 8 grapefruits at breakfast time after all!

I had time today for exercise but I'm not completely well. I've had some dizzy spells which I think are a symptom of a virus. My neighbour has had something similar and I suspect I've caught it from him. It's nothing serious but it's left me quite tired and I'm resting today as a result. I'll still do yoga tonight - my body is craving it.

Today's happiness exercise is to list life's pleasures. I think that one featured in the 21-day program too?? I'll be interested when I've written this to complare my list to my previous one. Pleasures I'm focusing on today include: The sound of my baby's giggle and the look on her face when she smiles at me in delight. The beautiful things my son says (Mum, don't sing, because people might get scared!). The taste of fresh rock melon. The smell  of the rain and the sight of my veige garden, lush after several days of gentle rain. The lounge room when it's tidy and calm. Music, espeically, today, Norah Jones. My husband's muscular cyclist legs. Fresh carrots. Cups of (sun) tea with friends!

And on to the 28-Day Transition to Raw - Day 1!

I have Day 1 excitement and mental strength again! Maybe I should think of every day as 'Day 1' of the rest of my life?

I've felt rgeat today and followed the menu plan... sort of. The Orange juice breaky is one of my favourites now, so I really enjoyed that. Not so much my daughter, who recently started eating solid foods, and who made the cutest sour-lemon face when I popped a bit of OJ in her mouth!

Lunch was great too - Tabbouli, and old favourite. Dinner was Gazpacho, which I also usually love, but today I simply wasn't hungry because I'd eaten heaps of macadamia and brazil nuts in the afternoon.

I ate the nuts not because I was hungry, but because something stressful happened with work and I had an incredibly strong urge to get into the kitchen and stuff myself with bread and cheese and muesli and eggs and my husband's chocolate stash! I thought about what to do... eat the cooked food? Why? I needed it to stuff away the stress! But then what? How about a new pattern? Should I just not eat anything, since I wasn't really hungry, or should I try and find raw foods to substitute for the cooked ones, to get through this crisis, then focus on weaning myself off using food as a crutch in any way at all? Well I went with the second option. Although the first might have been better from a physical health and mental growth point of view, I'm not there yet and the second was what I aould manage today. So yay me - those cooked foods really were very tempting in that moment!

I've done more exercise than usual today. Since I've committed to doing Around the Bay in a Day in October I really need to start getting ready for it now! So this morning I did Koya's week 1 workout, and this evening after dinner I rode my bike on the home trainer for 45 minutes. Tonight before bed I'll do some yoga. I love this new level of activity and the upcoming ride will make me sick with the training! It takes 3 weeks to form a habit...

Tiday;s happiness exercise was a return to focusing on being 'in the moment' and noticing the small sensual pleasures with which our days are filled. Today mine included stroking my son's impossibly perfect cheek, hugging him and feeling him hug me back with his whole body, getting the washing-up water to just the right temperature, and feeling my legs warm up and hit the perfect cadence on the bike. Mmmmmmm. I also enjoyed chatting with my lovely neighbours, singing a song I haven't heard for ages, and eating fantastic fruit from a wonderful greengrocer I've recently discovered. Life is great.

Day 21! Last day of the 21-day Cleanse!

It's been three weeks now and I've eaten over 90% raw food and begun to introduce more reguar exercise into my life. So can we see a difference yet? My husband took some 'during' photos today:

So I've lost fat from around my stomach and upper thighs, and I'm more toned. Thank you yoga and Koya workout! Other effects from the diet so far:


My skin is nicer.
I enjoy food more.
I drink much more water than I used to.
I have more energy.
I am happier - less stressed about my lifestyle!

I can't say I've felt great throughout, since every time I ate cooked food I felt sick in the stomach afterwards, and got headaches as well. But the fact that I can see a difference despite not following the program 100% means I am extra motivated to do the 28-day cleanse to the letter!

I have further motivation too - some friends and my husband and I have decided to ride this year's Aroudn the Bay in a Day ride in Melbourne - 250 k's in a day. The furthest I have ever ridden in one day is 135 k's, and I was a lot fitter then than I am now, so I have something to really work towards! To enjoy the ride I need to lose more fat (because the less dead weight I carry around the better!) and gain muscle, and be super healthy and get a lot more aerobically fit. Onwards!

Day 20

It's amazing to think that this cleanse is nearly over! This cleanse that seemed so mysterious, so big, so potentially life-changing and energising. I'm sad that it's coming to an end but excited to be starting the 28-day program on Monday. I'm sad that I didn;t follow the program properly this time, but excited about all I've learned, proud of all I've achieved, and amazed at the extent of the changes to my life and diet.

The biggest positive changes have been:

• I exercise every day! I'd struggled to do that since my daughter was born, and now Im really back into the swing of thigns. Yay! (Today I rode my bike and it felt great!)
• I stretch (yoga) daily. Which I have sworn a million times to do and which I have never, ever, actually done for more than one day in a row!
• I eat very well every morning and lunch. Today I made a green juice for breaky and a celery soup for lunch. Nummy!
• When I slip up and eat something I don't want to, I don't beat myself up nearly as much as I used to. Yay me!
• I recognise now that just because I didn't do this cleanse properly, there's no reason why I won't do the next one properly. My behaviour can always change and my tomorrows are not doomed by my mistakes today as long as I learn from those mistakes!
• I am more in the moment more often. I give my kids more undivided attention and focused love.

I am truly excited about everything I have learned during this cleanse and and I can't wait to begin the  28-day program on Monday! Yay yay yeeha!

'During' photos to come tomorrow...

Days 18 & 19

I've 'switched off' from this program in many ways by now. I'm not making the recipes as they're prescribed, instead I'm making my own based on how I'm feeling. This week's recipes are more complex and 'gourmet', whereas I feel more like simple meals - simple salads and fruit smoothies.

In some other important ways, though, I am still with the program. I've been doing yoga every night - I've got the routine memorised so I can do it anywhere, and yesterday I went for a lovely run. Gee it's fun to be back on my feet after months of inertia!

I am still having issues with snacking. I've found myself slipping into my old habits of snacking on nuts and dried fruit, but overall gee my habits are a lot better than they were. It is really hard not to get caught up in 'failures', but I keep reminding myself of how much junk food I'd have eaten if I wasn't on this program, and how much mroe fresh food I am eating now. All my slip-ups have made me kinda scared to weigh and photograph myself (in case there is no change!!), but photos and stats will be posted after the weekend...

My frequent departures from the program have taught me a valuable lesson - that to stay strong and raw I can't compromise with even a little bite of cooked, and that cooked food is truly an addiction. In the 28 day program following this one I will follow the program 100%.

Today's journal exercise is to write a list of habits I'd like to adopt. My list includes:

Have a liquid breakfast every day, because I feel soooooo much better throughout the morning if I eat like that.
Drink loads of water! Actually that one is pretty well implemented already - this cleanse has made me much mroe aware of my thirst. Good hydration = good skin...
Eat only raw foods! Because I feel great when I do!
Do half an hour of yoga every evening, because flexibility will increase my body's ability to move the way it was designed to move.
Do a bike ride or run every day. Because I love these activities so much, they're my 'me' time, and they make me fit and healthy too!
Do some core exercises every day. Because they will make me faster on the bike and running, and make me look like a swimsuit model as well!
Be 'in the moment' in every moment. It makes me appreciate my life more and enjoy my family to the full.
Do voluntary work for charity. Because I am so lucky and I'd love to share some of my good fortune with others.

Day 17 - Back on track! Yeeha!

I had a fantastic day! I feel like myself again. After yesterday's head-spinning funk I recognise myself again today. And I've eaten 100% raw food and felt great! I didn't do anything consciously to generate the change back to a positive spin - it just 'happened'. Or maybe I did do something - I ignored the day's menu on the program and went back to some favourites from the last couple of weeks, just following what my bosy felt like. Orange, banana and strawberry smoothie. A tomato and avocado salad. A big leafy green salad with celery and sauerkraut. Yummmm! I snacked on some dried apricots too, which aren't recommended on the program, but at least they are raw. Yay me!

Yesterday I did 'Jules's raw yoga' which is part of the program, plus Koya's 20 minute workout, and I loved them both. I felt sooooo great after finishing them. So tonight when the kids are in bed I plan to do the same again. Gee I sleep well after doing yoga! I am still struggling to integrate cycling into my daily life again, and I used to really love being a fit cyclist. My goal forthe rest of this week is to find ways to ride my bike each day so I can get back in the rhythm of training.

Today's happiness exercise has to do with being 'in the moment' with emotions instead of stuffing them down with food. I concentrated on being present for the day and found myself doing a lot less multitasking. When I breastfed my baby I gazed at her and whispered to her instead of writing a shopping list or reading a magazine. When I chatted with my son I really gave him my full attention. I'm not saying this is the first time I've done these things, but I often do try and do three things at once, so it was nice to really step back into the moment and experience it fully, whatever it held. Whether it's coincidence or whether my son picked up on my exercise at soem level, he helped me cook dinner tonight instead of playing by himself as he usually does while I cook. It was a really lovely 'together' moment.

I realised today that while most people probably rate the food part of this program as most important to them, then the exercise, and the happiness exercises last, for me the exact opposite is true. If I can do things to help improve my emotional life then my physical life improves (because when I'm happy I want to move!), and in turn I then crave healthy foods!

Day 16

I feel really discouraged, as though I have totally lost momentum and become stuck in a repetitive pattern of unhelpful behaviour.

Today I ate heaps of food between meals when I wasn't hungry - nuts, including peanuts which aren't raw, and cheese and biscuits! Cheese and biscuits! I'm unsuccessfully trying not to beat myself up but, oh, I kind of am beating myself up more than a little.

I feel as though I need to take a step back and do some really basic cleansing to get back on track. Like a few days of orange juice just to get rid of my negative and impulsive rush for food I don't want to eat. I'm pretty sure I just ate it because I was bored. Surely I can think of something more entertaining to do in my quiet times!

Day 15

I am a raw vegan!

Despite a few days of eating little bits of cooked foods along with my raw food, I still eat so much raw food that most people would consider me to be a raw vegan. And just like that I am one! It's what I wanted and it's great!

In this third week of the 21-day cleanse I've decided to make myself 'a day behind'. That's because where I live the time difference is so great to California, where the program is administered, that I don't get each day's email until the day is nearly through. I am finding that the emails really help keep me on track, plus I'd like to have the whole day to contemplate the 'happiness exercise' for that day, so I'm waiting until tomorrow to start today's allocated recipes. It means that today I had a 'day off' and just made up my own menu. Orange juice for breakfast, a salad for lunch, a berry smoothie for afternoon tea, then at dinner I ate lots of nuts and some bread - d'oh! Still learning. Still moving forward, being positive, and not beating up on myself!

I've noticed that I react to cooked foods with a very mild hayfever-like feeling in my sinuses. I really am starting to see how much better I feel with raw foods. I'm so thrilled with myself for having made this transition! For being a raw vegan, albeit not a perfect one! And while I began this cleanse hoping just to eat raw foods for its duration, I can't now imagine myself going back to eating a cooked diet. Extraordinary!

Days 13 & 14

Since I decided that the deep cleanse week wasn't for me (this time), I decided that for days 13 and 14, the last two days of the deep cleanse week, I would design my own raw menu instead of following the program's plan. It didn;t make sense to follow the program for a couple of reasons: firstly because the days are designed to lead out of the water cleanse which I didn't do, and secondly because we spent the weekend visiting my Dad and I wasn;t going to have access to my juicer or blender.

I packed up my raw ingredients and took them with me, and had a lovely couple of days eating simple raw foods. Fruit salads, almonds, salads and plates of cut-up raw vegies. Everyone else ate some of what I ate plus some other foods. It worked really well! I felt well-fed and happy. I didn't stick to 100% raw, however. I snacked on some salted peanuts and ate a couple of my Dad's homemade Swiss Christmas biscuits - my favourites! However, I'm still happy that I ate a lot less unhealthy food that I otherwise might have. I also drank a lot of water - more than usual - and no coffee. So still a huge improvement in habits! Jinjee's email for Saturday reassures me that huge benefits will come from the program even though I'm not sticking to it exactly, and so the case seems to be.

In terms of exercise I just went for a couple of walks and did a bit of yoga - nothing serious. I really want to get a handle on my physical life so that I'm more constantly active. Tomorrow I've organised for my husband to watch the kids while I ride my bike on the rollers, and I intend to plan a roller ride into each day this week just to cement that habit.

Saturday's journal exercise is to reflect on things I like about myself:
I am a good friend and I do things to make other people's lives happier.
I am self-motivated.
I am not afraid to try something out of the ordinary or challenge accepted behaviours to find what is right for me.
I am true to my beliefs and values. I am genuine.
I am original. I don't try to copy others.
I take genuine joy in others' achievements and good fortune.
I am changing my behaviours to harm the earth less and less.

Sunday's journal exercise is to write a particular poem, but I am going to do that tomorrow as I need to be in the right physical space to make a poem, and I'm not there right now. Stay tuned!

PS: I am wearing a top that fit me nicely two weeks ago, and now it is loose! I could easily wear a size down!

Day 12

Well it's true, once the 'seal' is broken it's easier and easier to open it again...

Once again I didn't stick to the program today, and this is how it happened. I realised this morning that right now the deep cleansing week is not what I need. At the moment it's a step too far beyond what I'm mentally ready for. What suits me really well is the other weeks when we have more substantial and varied recipes and a more 'normal' pattern of eating - more solid foods, fewer liquid meals. So I decided that for the reast of this week I'm going to eat in that way - more substantial raw meals. Next week is like that anyway so that should be no problem to stick to.

The problem was that I didn't actually plan what I would eat, so I came unstuck. We had a few friends over for dinner tonight, and I made a homemade pizza, salad, and bread, someone brought a spinach pie, and someone else brought a lemon meringue pie. I decided that I'd just eat (and enjoy!) the salad. I did have two big servings of salad, and loved them, but was still hungry and ended up also having a slice of the pie and two slices of the pizza! I ate a few bites of the lemon meringue pie as well.

I am really worried that I won't lose any more weight, and of all the things to worry about, what a silly and vain thing to focus on!

Looking at the situation positively I can see that I ate a lot less than I otherwise might have, especially of the dessert, which was lovely but overwhelmingly sweet for my re-adjusted taste buds. That's been one great effect of raw foods so far - my sweet sweet tooth has been re-calibrated and I am free of my attraction to sweets! Yeeha! I've also learned a lot. About the importance of being prepared - if I'd had a more satisfying raw meal planned I wouldn't have eaten cooked foods tonight. Even a fruit smoothie would have done the trick. And that it could be quite easy to eat raw food at gatherings without being noticed - not a single person commented when all I ate initially was salad. Awesome!

One reason that I feel that the deep cleanse week doesn't suit me right now is that I'm really on a roll with exercise and I feel that I need it in my life. Easing back on the intensity for the deep cleanse week just doesn;t feel right to me - I want to be out and moving as much as possible.

Then again, deep cleansing should allow me to detox so that I have more energy for execise in the following weeks!

In the 28-day program following this 21-day one I'm keen to complete the deep cleanse week properly. That time I'll be more prepared for it mentally - this time I didn't read ahead so it caught me by surprise!

Exercise-wise I really enjoyed going for a run today. It wasn't far - only a couple of kilometres - but my son was with me, riding his bike, and my baby girl was in the pram, and I do love to exercise as a family.

For today's journal entry we are advised to contemplate 'My favourite soul-renewing things to do'. For me these include rock climbing, windsurfing, sailing, swimming in the ocean, waking in the morning with my kids snuggled against me, hiking, reading magazines and great books.

Water fast continued

I didn't do well today at all with the water cleanse. To be honest I was scared of it before it started and I talked myself out of it without giving it a chance. It's the only day I've done that - I've relished the other deep cleansing days. But I am reflecting on how much I've changed even though I didn't do the water fast. A few weeks ago I couldn't contemplate having juice for breakfast and feeling full until lunch. Now I'd be so disappointed if I couldn't have juice or a smoothie for breakfast, and it keeps me satisfied for ages! I'm not tempted by junk food in the slightest, and any cooked foods that do tempt me are the better ones - rice, lentil dishes, stir fried vegies. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't walk past a cake without leaving it unmolested! So I have no reason to doubt that while I currently can't face a water fast day, I'll come to embrace it in the 28-day cleanse (if it features) or in the next 21-day cleanse, or some other time in the not-too-distant future.

Even though I'm not eating perfectly, then, a positive change is afoot!