Day 9

Day 9 of the 28-day program already! The time is flying. Today was not a good day for me diet-wise. I decided to modify the 'green cleansing day' because my juicer is broken and I couldn't therefore make green juice for breakfast. It was a shame, since I really enjoyed that green juice on the 21-day cleanse. I am saving my cents for a new juicer! A fancy powerful one that will extract all the goodness from my fruits and vegies. Meanwhile I manually juiced some oranges for breakfast, which were lovely.

For lunch I had the salad as prescribed, then in the afternoon it all went a bit haywire. I ate some olive bread with Nuttelex (a vegan butter substitute), and at dinner, instead of the fruit I had planned to eat, I ate some of my son's leftover Indian takeaway and even a few lollies! All of it made me feel unwell but I did it anyway. Why? Well the fruit I had was still hard and not ready to eat yet, so I just sort of grabbed what was there in front of me... Sigh. I am not beating myself up. But I do feel kinda flat about it. Still, before the cleanse I would have had a whole meal of Indian takeaway and this time I had 5 mouthfuls... breathe.

Exercise-wise I did Jules's raw yoga today, and that's it. And I'm exhausted. Not from the yoga - that made me feel great - but just generally. I hope this lifts soon!

Today's happiness exercise is to think about what I can do to be a proponent of raw vegan food to the world. For me that's a fairly easy question to answer. I believe that if I live what I believe - that a raw vegan diet is better for me than any other kind of diet - and if I lose weight and glow and am able to participate in sports, then people who are open-minded will ask about what I am doing and I can just answer their questions as they arise. Just today an acquaintance commented on my weight loss and I mentioned that I've been raw vegan all year so far. Her response was 'I might have to do that!' and I'm sure that if she is really curious she will investigate further. So I really think that all I have to do is be a raw vegan and let the results speak for themselves.

Day 8

A beautiful day and the first day of the deep cleansing week. An appropriate day in which to take steps towards a 'Garden Diet-like' change of circumstances! We are in the process of buying a block of land on which to build an eco-friendly house, and as many fruit trees as we can, and a huge vegie garden, and a beehive. It's very exciting and the block feels like a place where we could happily live for years and years. I've never had the desire to 'put down roots' before this, but all of a sudden I'd love to have a base to call home that really feels like 'us'. Fingers crossed that all goes well!

Today was a fruit-only day - my favourite day of the whole program! I love fruit so much, and if I had to choose one food group to eat to the exclusion of all others, fruit would be it. I actually started the day without a lot of fruit in the house, and it wasn't until late afternoon that I was able to buy more. Not a problem though - instead of planned meals I just ate a piece of fruit whenever I was hungry, and now I feel light as a feather, full of a warm and happy glow.

I haven't done any formal exercise yet today, but I plan to ride my bike on the home trainer tonight when the kids have settled down. It's really hot and humid at the moment so I hope it cools down as night falls! I feel full of energy so I'm looking forward to the ride.

Today's happiness exercise is to spend time thinking and then write about that thinking time. I spent time thinking about the miraculous things that have happened since I began the raw diet. One thing is that my Mum has started eating raw foods and is losing weight and feeling fabulous. Until now she has been completely against the raw diet (anthough she's always eaten ltos fo fresh raw food), and very concerned about my experiments with it. She's also read the China Study and has gone from being vocally concerned about my veganism to becoming an almost-vegan herself! (She plans, at this stage, to treat herself to a small piece of cheese very occasionally). That's a huge change and I'm thrilled to see her looking so healthy and sounding so happy. She looks a million years younger already! Another miracle is that I've lost the love-hate relationship I had with food. For a long time I've had this angel/devil thing going, where I'd eat really well one minute, then, in a sad, furtive, frantic way, stuff myself with junk food the next. I felt controlled by my cravings and de-powered by my actions. Now I feel calm, in control, and much more relaxed. This, in turn, has made me more confident, playful, easygoing and spontaneous. My husband is a happy man!

I'd never have imagined what a positive difference this diet could make in my life. I think the biggest thing has been 'don't beat yourself up'. After all, slip-ups notwithstanding I'm still losing weight, becoming healthier and feeling better and better. I'm so glad to leave behind the cycle of determination and guilt.

Days 6 and 7

Wow, I feel smashed. Yesterday I was back at work after 6 months off and talk about a huge day! I photographed a wedding. I was there until the bridal waltz and it was a wonderful but massive day. I'm exhausted!

Eating raw food during a wedding shoot was something I really had to plan for. Usually when I'm working I eat lunch in the car on the way to the wedding - generally a sandwich I've brought from home, and maybe some fruit. Then I have a huge day shooting, during which I snack on dried fruit, and on the way home I grab a wrap from subway, and a coffee and a little cake or a cookie. Yesterday I was staying at the wedding over dinner time, so I made some raw meals to take with me. I'd had orange juice for breakfast, and that kept me really full until lunch, which was meant to be raw tacos. Instead of making them as tacos (which would have been messy - I didn't want to turn up at a wedding with avocado all over me!) I made the taco ingredients into a salad. It was delicious and huge! For dinner the program stipulated 'wandaful slaw', but since that was the one recipe I really didn't like from the 21-day program I made a huge fruit salad for dinner instead. Boy, was that fruit salad amazing! I really needed all that energy and hydration after a big day! I wasn't at all envious of the wedding guests - I felt as though I had the best meal of the night. The one problem was that I didn't bring enough snack foods for between meals. As a result I was really hungry when I started the hour-long drive home, so on impulse I raced through McDonald's drive-through and bought fries. I'm not often a customer of McDonald's but they were the only food-selling place open at 11pm! And the fries were amazing. Warm and comforting and filled the hole in my stomach beautifully. So I don't regret them at all. Neither do I want to repeat my fry-buying, however, so I'll bring more food to next weekend's wedding!

Today's food has been great. A smoothie for breakfast! The best way to start the day! Lunch was a raw substitute for stir-fry and it was wonderful. I discovered about a year ago how eonderful raw leeks are in a salad, and I was glad to re-discover them in this recipe. Dinner was meant to be raw ice-cream (yeeha!) but I don't have a working freezer so I couldn't freeze the fruit for the recipe. Instead I snacked on fruit, nuts and dates for a really satisfying beautiful dinner.

I've discovered today that cheese is my go-to food when I am really tired. Cheese??!! I didn't eat cheese for a really long time, until my most recent pregnancy. Then I had strong cravings for it and one day I ate a bit that was left over from my son. I mean, it was just going in the bin, right? What's the difference if I eat it then? Well, the seal was broken and tiny morsels found their way in more often. First my son's leftovers, then a sliver of my own, then huge hunks. I haven't really wanted it recently but today I wanted it sooooo badly and I've eaten a couple of slices. Even brazil nuts didn't stop the cheese craving. I'm a bit disappointed, since I did;t even really enjoy the cheese when I ate it, and I'm sure I'll pay the price tomorrow by feeling unwell. However, I feel great about what I ate at the wedding and the fact that I drank a lot more water than I usually do at work - 2 litres plus what I drank at home before and after work. Prior to this diet I would have had dinner at the wedding, a fancy restaurant meal, and probably  piece of wedding cake. My clients yesterday also had a self-serve lolly bar as bomboniere, which in the past I would have sampled. So I'm still doing a lot better than I used to! As long as I keep improving I am a happy girl.

I didn;t do any formal exercise either yesterday or todday. Yesterday's wedding was exercise enough - I didn't sit down once and was on the move the whole time, carrying a heavy camera bag and a step ladder, and wielding kilos of camera as though ti was a feather! Today, as I said, I feel smashed, almost hung-over in a sense, and my whole being is crying out for rest. I'll do some yoga tonight, and then tomorrow get back ont he bike and back into the normal swing of things.

Yesterday's happiness exercise is to list 'why' I want to be raw. I've done this before during the 21-dap program, but I can;t exactly remember what I wrote. Some other reasons are:
To inspire my kids to be brave enough to do what's right for them, even if it isn't 'normal'.
To become more in tune with what my body needs.
To discover great new recipes.
To reduce my impact upon the environment.
To wow people with my great health and wellbeing and wow them again when I explain how it has come about! i.e. to let my inner celebrity shine! To show off! ;-)

Today's happiness exercise is a game called 'keeping the seal on'. I'm playing it in a real, physical way. With the deep cleansing week beginning tomorrow I am committed to doing it properly, to the letter - no cheating. I want to see how it works when done properly! So I'm putting a piece of paper in an envelope and sealing it. If I cheat I will open the envelope and write what I want to eat on the envelope. The instructions point out that the longer that envelope stays sealed, the prouder  will be, and I am already excited to think of doing something so great! Overcoming my desires and looking towards a greater benefit for me. It's a great mind-trick - it makes me look forward to the deep cleansing week even more as my competitive side can come out to play!

Day 5

You know what? Weight is suddenly no big deal to me. And, paradoxically, that is a really big deal! I am a woman in the Western world, come on! But suddenly I don't care what I weigh (actually I don't know what I weigh since I have no scales), I don't care what size my clothes are. I just care about being healthy, as healthy as I an possibly be. This is a new feeling and it's awesome! If I am healthy and fit and toned then whatever size I am is perfect. I've told myself this in the past, but today I suddenly feel it to be true, and it's liberating!

Today's breakfast was orange and grapefruit juice - yum! Juicing them manually was not a huge hassle and they come out different that way to the way they came out of my juicer - no foam on top and a different texture. Less juice per orange though, unfortunately. Lunch was sunflower pate, and I scooped it up with tomato wedges and zzucchini sticks. Lovely! Dinner was supposed to be avocado, tomato adn watercress salad, but I'd snacked on fruit in the afternoon adn wasn;t hungry at diinner time, so I let it go. Before this diet I'd never have skipped a meal! Now I find I am listening to my body and my hunger signals more, and the food I do eat is so delicious that it's emotionally satisfying, so I'm not feeling the need to eat when I'm not hungry, just for pleasure's sake, anywhere near as often as I used to.

I rode my bike again today, n the home trainer. I'd planned to do an hour but I stopped after half an hour. My right knee was sore, so I need to check my position on the bike, and I need my husband to help with that, and tonight while I was on the bike he was settling the baby, bless him, so hw wasn't free to help. After a good warmpu it was still hurting, so I though it was better to cut the session short than persever and possibly hurt myself. I followed the bike session with half an hour's yoga, and feel great as a result.

How do I get time to do the exercise? I don't watch any tv! I've got no idea about current affairs. My husband holds the fort while I exercise, and I do the same for him. I go to bed late (the raw food is definitely helping me feel less tired, so that's handy! I don't think I could stay up late every night otherwise). When uni starts again in a few weeks I'll be reading uni notes while on the home trainer. And so on. I'm fining that with enough motivation (i.e. Around the Bay) I manage to make the time.

Today's happiness exercise is to reflect on things we love to do, share, give and offer. It would be easy to do this exercise superficially, but the more I contemplate it the more complex and at the same time the more simple it becomes. 'Love' is the answer to all the above, but there's the balancing act of love towards myself versus love towards others. So riding my bike is love towards myself, and it requires my husband to love me by making it possible for me to ride, which is something he loves to do, but if I didn't ride would that allow me to love my husband more by allowing him to relax? Either way I am a lucky lady :-)

Day 4

My juicer broke!

Tragedy!

I tried to start it up to juice my grapefruits this morning, and nothing happened. No whirring. No sound like an aeroplane taking off. Nothing.

I juiced my grapefruits by hand instead.

Nyaaargh! What am I going to do? Citrus I can juice by hand, but other things?

Breakfast was worth all the effort though - a smoothie with grapefruit juice, banana and strawberries. Mmmmm! These are rapidly becoming my favourite breakfast, and when this program finishes smoothies will be my breakfast every day! It occurred to me this afternoon that I should make them green smoothies - the same as a normal fruit smoothie but with some leafy greens in as well. More greens can only be a good thing!

Lunch was meant to be kale subs, but I didn't want the mess so I used the same ingredients made into a salad instead. It was great - the whole family had it and loved it. Even my baby daughter enjoyed a bit of avocado! She's only started eating solid foods a week ago (okay, 'solid' is a stretch!) and avocado seems to be her favourite so far.

Dinner was supposed to be zucchini pasta with a tomato sauce, but we were visiting family and I didn't have enough ingredients to make enough of that dinner to share. Instead I made a fruit salad, which served as my meal and everyone else's dessert. It's become really easy to eat out with family because by now they all know about my raw diet and they're happy for me to bring my own food.

I feel strange today, physically. Since yesterdayI've been having dizzy spells. It tends to happen after I eat - my blood pressure drops, the whole world spins and I have to lie down. I suspect it could be a virus - it's happened in the past from time to time and always seems to sort itself out after a few days. Or maybe it could be a detox symptom? Either way I hope it clears up before Saturday - I work as a photographer and will be shooting a wedding. I'm guessing the bride and groom don't want tilted photos, or their day recorded from ground level!

The head spinning thing made me wary of hopping on my bike for a training ride, so instead I went for a walk for an hour. I ran a tiny bit of the way but didn't feel like my usual self, instead I felt flat and heavy and awkward, my feet were landing hard and that's not good when you run in 'barefoot shoes', so back to a walk it was. I really hope the dizzyness clears up soon. I'll gvive yoga a go tonight and see how it feels with the dizzyness.

Today's happiness exercise is to write 'Why I want to live and be healthy and beautiful'. So:

I love my life - I am extremely lucky. I live in a stunning place in a very fortunate country. I am freee to make the choices that are right for me. My values make me happy. I am married to the perfect man for me. Our children make the world a better (if messier!) place. I am lucky enough to know myself a little, and I'm getting to know myself better all the time, which means I can make choices and live a life that is in harmony with who I am. With such a fortunate life I am committed to living it to the max! My health allows me to do that - to do the things that bring me great happiness. As for beauty: when I feel beautiful I feel happy with myself! Of course outward beauty matters to me. I am nowhere near enlightened and I think it would take enormous enlightenment in a Western society (or any society, probably) not to be attached to my external appearance. What I really want, though, is that glow that shines from inside out that truly lovely people have, those giving, caring, nurturing people with great inner beauty. I desire wrinkles that give my face warmth! As I grow older I want my face to shine... the more I think about it, the more I realise that the people who I consider to be the most beautiful are people who have been alive for many decades - I don't want to call them 'elderly' as that imples a frailty that I don't necessarily see - people who have experienced a great deal and who have done wonderful, generous, giving things with their lives that show in their faces. Goodness shows in their faces. That's beauty. And I want to be beautiful like that because that's the way that people are supposed to be.

Days 2 and 3

We got home so late yeaterday that I collapsed without writing my blog post, so today I'm blogging both days' experiences at once.

I had a lovely day yesterday! Full of beautful food, but I didn't stick to the menu on the program. I'm getting really comfortable now with swapping and changing meals as it suits me. The program stipulated 'carob silk' for breakfast, which sounds divine and I'm super keen to try it. But it wasn't until mid-morning, after dropping my son at preschool and running around chasing errands at the shops, that I realised I'd forgotten to have breakfast! I was hungry by then so I got a freshly squeezed juice from a juice bar at the shopping centre. Juice bars are my new 'cafe'! For lunch I ate the leftover Gazpacho from the night before - delicious. Dinner was a tricky one. It was my mother-in-law's birthday and we had dinner at a local bistro. I've had salads there before and they are wonderful, so that's what I ordered. It was great, although it had some non-raw ingredients in the dressing I think. I had meant to ask for just some olive oil and lemon juice dressing, but between feeding the baby and chatting with the family I forgot. Still, a pretty good effort for a raw vegan restaurant meal. Then came cake time. I'd had a good think about what to do about the cake and decided that in the spirit of conviviality I would eat a tiny bit of cake at every birthday celebration as my only departure from the raw vegan diet. Well, it flattened me. 45 minutes later I was already feeling awul - I had a headache and felt depressed. Maybe it was the chocolate in the cake. I haven't had chocolate at all this year (!!!YAY!!!) until that sliver of cake, and I know that chocolate can give some people headaches, so maybe my new diet has made me extra sensitive to it. Anyway, it was a good lesson because it made me realise I need a new plan for celebrations. The new plan is to bring along a raw cake for everyone to share, in addition to the traditional birthday cake that is always featured! Problem solved! (An extra bonus: I get to make and try heaps of raw cake recipes to find the best ones to share!)

Exercise-wise yesterday I didn't do any at all. I had planned to do another bike session on the home trainer after the party, followed by yoga. Realistically that's the time when I can exercise during the week - either in the morning before the kids are up or at night when they are asleep. But as it was I got to bed at 1am. I wasn't going to exercise at that time of night!

Yesterday's happiness exercise was to make a committment to happiness. It resonated with me in that I have believed for a long time that we manifest into our lives that which we hold in our thoughts. I believe that when we focus on something we are alert to ways to bring that something into our lives, whatever it is, good or bad. After reading 'Illlusions' by Richard Bach over 10 years ago I realised that happiness is a choice. I can choose to be happy and then, boom, I am happy. And doing this diet has been such a positive thing for me, after a year of 'beating myself up' about losing my fitness and eating things that didn't help me, that in general happiness is coming pretty easily for me these days!

Today has been super positive. Breakfast was grapefruit juice - a favourite of mine - but I now know I only have to juice 4 instead of 8 (as the program sugggests) to have more than enough. Lunch was kelp noodles with a cashew-based 'cheezy' sauce. I couldn't find anywhere to buy kelp noodles, so I substituted cucumber sticks instead, which I dipped into the cheeze. It worked well. Dinner was raw apple pie. Yum! I snacked a lot today, more than usual. Maybe I should have had all 8 grapefruits at breakfast time after all!

I had time today for exercise but I'm not completely well. I've had some dizzy spells which I think are a symptom of a virus. My neighbour has had something similar and I suspect I've caught it from him. It's nothing serious but it's left me quite tired and I'm resting today as a result. I'll still do yoga tonight - my body is craving it.

Today's happiness exercise is to list life's pleasures. I think that one featured in the 21-day program too?? I'll be interested when I've written this to complare my list to my previous one. Pleasures I'm focusing on today include: The sound of my baby's giggle and the look on her face when she smiles at me in delight. The beautiful things my son says (Mum, don't sing, because people might get scared!). The taste of fresh rock melon. The smell  of the rain and the sight of my veige garden, lush after several days of gentle rain. The lounge room when it's tidy and calm. Music, espeically, today, Norah Jones. My husband's muscular cyclist legs. Fresh carrots. Cups of (sun) tea with friends!

And on to the 28-Day Transition to Raw - Day 1!

I have Day 1 excitement and mental strength again! Maybe I should think of every day as 'Day 1' of the rest of my life?

I've felt rgeat today and followed the menu plan... sort of. The Orange juice breaky is one of my favourites now, so I really enjoyed that. Not so much my daughter, who recently started eating solid foods, and who made the cutest sour-lemon face when I popped a bit of OJ in her mouth!

Lunch was great too - Tabbouli, and old favourite. Dinner was Gazpacho, which I also usually love, but today I simply wasn't hungry because I'd eaten heaps of macadamia and brazil nuts in the afternoon.

I ate the nuts not because I was hungry, but because something stressful happened with work and I had an incredibly strong urge to get into the kitchen and stuff myself with bread and cheese and muesli and eggs and my husband's chocolate stash! I thought about what to do... eat the cooked food? Why? I needed it to stuff away the stress! But then what? How about a new pattern? Should I just not eat anything, since I wasn't really hungry, or should I try and find raw foods to substitute for the cooked ones, to get through this crisis, then focus on weaning myself off using food as a crutch in any way at all? Well I went with the second option. Although the first might have been better from a physical health and mental growth point of view, I'm not there yet and the second was what I aould manage today. So yay me - those cooked foods really were very tempting in that moment!

I've done more exercise than usual today. Since I've committed to doing Around the Bay in a Day in October I really need to start getting ready for it now! So this morning I did Koya's week 1 workout, and this evening after dinner I rode my bike on the home trainer for 45 minutes. Tonight before bed I'll do some yoga. I love this new level of activity and the upcoming ride will make me sick with the training! It takes 3 weeks to form a habit...

Tiday;s happiness exercise was a return to focusing on being 'in the moment' and noticing the small sensual pleasures with which our days are filled. Today mine included stroking my son's impossibly perfect cheek, hugging him and feeling him hug me back with his whole body, getting the washing-up water to just the right temperature, and feeling my legs warm up and hit the perfect cadence on the bike. Mmmmmmm. I also enjoyed chatting with my lovely neighbours, singing a song I haven't heard for ages, and eating fantastic fruit from a wonderful greengrocer I've recently discovered. Life is great.

Day 21! Last day of the 21-day Cleanse!

It's been three weeks now and I've eaten over 90% raw food and begun to introduce more reguar exercise into my life. So can we see a difference yet? My husband took some 'during' photos today:

So I've lost fat from around my stomach and upper thighs, and I'm more toned. Thank you yoga and Koya workout! Other effects from the diet so far:


My skin is nicer.
I enjoy food more.
I drink much more water than I used to.
I have more energy.
I am happier - less stressed about my lifestyle!

I can't say I've felt great throughout, since every time I ate cooked food I felt sick in the stomach afterwards, and got headaches as well. But the fact that I can see a difference despite not following the program 100% means I am extra motivated to do the 28-day cleanse to the letter!

I have further motivation too - some friends and my husband and I have decided to ride this year's Aroudn the Bay in a Day ride in Melbourne - 250 k's in a day. The furthest I have ever ridden in one day is 135 k's, and I was a lot fitter then than I am now, so I have something to really work towards! To enjoy the ride I need to lose more fat (because the less dead weight I carry around the better!) and gain muscle, and be super healthy and get a lot more aerobically fit. Onwards!

Day 20

It's amazing to think that this cleanse is nearly over! This cleanse that seemed so mysterious, so big, so potentially life-changing and energising. I'm sad that it's coming to an end but excited to be starting the 28-day program on Monday. I'm sad that I didn;t follow the program properly this time, but excited about all I've learned, proud of all I've achieved, and amazed at the extent of the changes to my life and diet.

The biggest positive changes have been:

• I exercise every day! I'd struggled to do that since my daughter was born, and now Im really back into the swing of thigns. Yay! (Today I rode my bike and it felt great!)
• I stretch (yoga) daily. Which I have sworn a million times to do and which I have never, ever, actually done for more than one day in a row!
• I eat very well every morning and lunch. Today I made a green juice for breaky and a celery soup for lunch. Nummy!
• When I slip up and eat something I don't want to, I don't beat myself up nearly as much as I used to. Yay me!
• I recognise now that just because I didn't do this cleanse properly, there's no reason why I won't do the next one properly. My behaviour can always change and my tomorrows are not doomed by my mistakes today as long as I learn from those mistakes!
• I am more in the moment more often. I give my kids more undivided attention and focused love.

I am truly excited about everything I have learned during this cleanse and and I can't wait to begin the  28-day program on Monday! Yay yay yeeha!

'During' photos to come tomorrow...

Days 18 & 19

I've 'switched off' from this program in many ways by now. I'm not making the recipes as they're prescribed, instead I'm making my own based on how I'm feeling. This week's recipes are more complex and 'gourmet', whereas I feel more like simple meals - simple salads and fruit smoothies.

In some other important ways, though, I am still with the program. I've been doing yoga every night - I've got the routine memorised so I can do it anywhere, and yesterday I went for a lovely run. Gee it's fun to be back on my feet after months of inertia!

I am still having issues with snacking. I've found myself slipping into my old habits of snacking on nuts and dried fruit, but overall gee my habits are a lot better than they were. It is really hard not to get caught up in 'failures', but I keep reminding myself of how much junk food I'd have eaten if I wasn't on this program, and how much mroe fresh food I am eating now. All my slip-ups have made me kinda scared to weigh and photograph myself (in case there is no change!!), but photos and stats will be posted after the weekend...

My frequent departures from the program have taught me a valuable lesson - that to stay strong and raw I can't compromise with even a little bite of cooked, and that cooked food is truly an addiction. In the 28 day program following this one I will follow the program 100%.

Today's journal exercise is to write a list of habits I'd like to adopt. My list includes:

Have a liquid breakfast every day, because I feel soooooo much better throughout the morning if I eat like that.
Drink loads of water! Actually that one is pretty well implemented already - this cleanse has made me much mroe aware of my thirst. Good hydration = good skin...
Eat only raw foods! Because I feel great when I do!
Do half an hour of yoga every evening, because flexibility will increase my body's ability to move the way it was designed to move.
Do a bike ride or run every day. Because I love these activities so much, they're my 'me' time, and they make me fit and healthy too!
Do some core exercises every day. Because they will make me faster on the bike and running, and make me look like a swimsuit model as well!
Be 'in the moment' in every moment. It makes me appreciate my life more and enjoy my family to the full.
Do voluntary work for charity. Because I am so lucky and I'd love to share some of my good fortune with others.

Day 17 - Back on track! Yeeha!

I had a fantastic day! I feel like myself again. After yesterday's head-spinning funk I recognise myself again today. And I've eaten 100% raw food and felt great! I didn't do anything consciously to generate the change back to a positive spin - it just 'happened'. Or maybe I did do something - I ignored the day's menu on the program and went back to some favourites from the last couple of weeks, just following what my bosy felt like. Orange, banana and strawberry smoothie. A tomato and avocado salad. A big leafy green salad with celery and sauerkraut. Yummmm! I snacked on some dried apricots too, which aren't recommended on the program, but at least they are raw. Yay me!

Yesterday I did 'Jules's raw yoga' which is part of the program, plus Koya's 20 minute workout, and I loved them both. I felt sooooo great after finishing them. So tonight when the kids are in bed I plan to do the same again. Gee I sleep well after doing yoga! I am still struggling to integrate cycling into my daily life again, and I used to really love being a fit cyclist. My goal forthe rest of this week is to find ways to ride my bike each day so I can get back in the rhythm of training.

Today's happiness exercise has to do with being 'in the moment' with emotions instead of stuffing them down with food. I concentrated on being present for the day and found myself doing a lot less multitasking. When I breastfed my baby I gazed at her and whispered to her instead of writing a shopping list or reading a magazine. When I chatted with my son I really gave him my full attention. I'm not saying this is the first time I've done these things, but I often do try and do three things at once, so it was nice to really step back into the moment and experience it fully, whatever it held. Whether it's coincidence or whether my son picked up on my exercise at soem level, he helped me cook dinner tonight instead of playing by himself as he usually does while I cook. It was a really lovely 'together' moment.

I realised today that while most people probably rate the food part of this program as most important to them, then the exercise, and the happiness exercises last, for me the exact opposite is true. If I can do things to help improve my emotional life then my physical life improves (because when I'm happy I want to move!), and in turn I then crave healthy foods!

Day 16

I feel really discouraged, as though I have totally lost momentum and become stuck in a repetitive pattern of unhelpful behaviour.

Today I ate heaps of food between meals when I wasn't hungry - nuts, including peanuts which aren't raw, and cheese and biscuits! Cheese and biscuits! I'm unsuccessfully trying not to beat myself up but, oh, I kind of am beating myself up more than a little.

I feel as though I need to take a step back and do some really basic cleansing to get back on track. Like a few days of orange juice just to get rid of my negative and impulsive rush for food I don't want to eat. I'm pretty sure I just ate it because I was bored. Surely I can think of something more entertaining to do in my quiet times!

Day 15

I am a raw vegan!

Despite a few days of eating little bits of cooked foods along with my raw food, I still eat so much raw food that most people would consider me to be a raw vegan. And just like that I am one! It's what I wanted and it's great!

In this third week of the 21-day cleanse I've decided to make myself 'a day behind'. That's because where I live the time difference is so great to California, where the program is administered, that I don't get each day's email until the day is nearly through. I am finding that the emails really help keep me on track, plus I'd like to have the whole day to contemplate the 'happiness exercise' for that day, so I'm waiting until tomorrow to start today's allocated recipes. It means that today I had a 'day off' and just made up my own menu. Orange juice for breakfast, a salad for lunch, a berry smoothie for afternoon tea, then at dinner I ate lots of nuts and some bread - d'oh! Still learning. Still moving forward, being positive, and not beating up on myself!

I've noticed that I react to cooked foods with a very mild hayfever-like feeling in my sinuses. I really am starting to see how much better I feel with raw foods. I'm so thrilled with myself for having made this transition! For being a raw vegan, albeit not a perfect one! And while I began this cleanse hoping just to eat raw foods for its duration, I can't now imagine myself going back to eating a cooked diet. Extraordinary!

Days 13 & 14

Since I decided that the deep cleanse week wasn't for me (this time), I decided that for days 13 and 14, the last two days of the deep cleanse week, I would design my own raw menu instead of following the program's plan. It didn;t make sense to follow the program for a couple of reasons: firstly because the days are designed to lead out of the water cleanse which I didn't do, and secondly because we spent the weekend visiting my Dad and I wasn;t going to have access to my juicer or blender.

I packed up my raw ingredients and took them with me, and had a lovely couple of days eating simple raw foods. Fruit salads, almonds, salads and plates of cut-up raw vegies. Everyone else ate some of what I ate plus some other foods. It worked really well! I felt well-fed and happy. I didn't stick to 100% raw, however. I snacked on some salted peanuts and ate a couple of my Dad's homemade Swiss Christmas biscuits - my favourites! However, I'm still happy that I ate a lot less unhealthy food that I otherwise might have. I also drank a lot of water - more than usual - and no coffee. So still a huge improvement in habits! Jinjee's email for Saturday reassures me that huge benefits will come from the program even though I'm not sticking to it exactly, and so the case seems to be.

In terms of exercise I just went for a couple of walks and did a bit of yoga - nothing serious. I really want to get a handle on my physical life so that I'm more constantly active. Tomorrow I've organised for my husband to watch the kids while I ride my bike on the rollers, and I intend to plan a roller ride into each day this week just to cement that habit.

Saturday's journal exercise is to reflect on things I like about myself:
I am a good friend and I do things to make other people's lives happier.
I am self-motivated.
I am not afraid to try something out of the ordinary or challenge accepted behaviours to find what is right for me.
I am true to my beliefs and values. I am genuine.
I am original. I don't try to copy others.
I take genuine joy in others' achievements and good fortune.
I am changing my behaviours to harm the earth less and less.

Sunday's journal exercise is to write a particular poem, but I am going to do that tomorrow as I need to be in the right physical space to make a poem, and I'm not there right now. Stay tuned!

PS: I am wearing a top that fit me nicely two weeks ago, and now it is loose! I could easily wear a size down!

Day 12

Well it's true, once the 'seal' is broken it's easier and easier to open it again...

Once again I didn't stick to the program today, and this is how it happened. I realised this morning that right now the deep cleansing week is not what I need. At the moment it's a step too far beyond what I'm mentally ready for. What suits me really well is the other weeks when we have more substantial and varied recipes and a more 'normal' pattern of eating - more solid foods, fewer liquid meals. So I decided that for the reast of this week I'm going to eat in that way - more substantial raw meals. Next week is like that anyway so that should be no problem to stick to.

The problem was that I didn't actually plan what I would eat, so I came unstuck. We had a few friends over for dinner tonight, and I made a homemade pizza, salad, and bread, someone brought a spinach pie, and someone else brought a lemon meringue pie. I decided that I'd just eat (and enjoy!) the salad. I did have two big servings of salad, and loved them, but was still hungry and ended up also having a slice of the pie and two slices of the pizza! I ate a few bites of the lemon meringue pie as well.

I am really worried that I won't lose any more weight, and of all the things to worry about, what a silly and vain thing to focus on!

Looking at the situation positively I can see that I ate a lot less than I otherwise might have, especially of the dessert, which was lovely but overwhelmingly sweet for my re-adjusted taste buds. That's been one great effect of raw foods so far - my sweet sweet tooth has been re-calibrated and I am free of my attraction to sweets! Yeeha! I've also learned a lot. About the importance of being prepared - if I'd had a more satisfying raw meal planned I wouldn't have eaten cooked foods tonight. Even a fruit smoothie would have done the trick. And that it could be quite easy to eat raw food at gatherings without being noticed - not a single person commented when all I ate initially was salad. Awesome!

One reason that I feel that the deep cleanse week doesn't suit me right now is that I'm really on a roll with exercise and I feel that I need it in my life. Easing back on the intensity for the deep cleanse week just doesn;t feel right to me - I want to be out and moving as much as possible.

Then again, deep cleansing should allow me to detox so that I have more energy for execise in the following weeks!

In the 28-day program following this 21-day one I'm keen to complete the deep cleanse week properly. That time I'll be more prepared for it mentally - this time I didn't read ahead so it caught me by surprise!

Exercise-wise I really enjoyed going for a run today. It wasn't far - only a couple of kilometres - but my son was with me, riding his bike, and my baby girl was in the pram, and I do love to exercise as a family.

For today's journal entry we are advised to contemplate 'My favourite soul-renewing things to do'. For me these include rock climbing, windsurfing, sailing, swimming in the ocean, waking in the morning with my kids snuggled against me, hiking, reading magazines and great books.

Water fast continued

I didn't do well today at all with the water cleanse. To be honest I was scared of it before it started and I talked myself out of it without giving it a chance. It's the only day I've done that - I've relished the other deep cleansing days. But I am reflecting on how much I've changed even though I didn't do the water fast. A few weeks ago I couldn't contemplate having juice for breakfast and feeling full until lunch. Now I'd be so disappointed if I couldn't have juice or a smoothie for breakfast, and it keeps me satisfied for ages! I'm not tempted by junk food in the slightest, and any cooked foods that do tempt me are the better ones - rice, lentil dishes, stir fried vegies. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't walk past a cake without leaving it unmolested! So I have no reason to doubt that while I currently can't face a water fast day, I'll come to embrace it in the 28-day cleanse (if it features) or in the next 21-day cleanse, or some other time in the not-too-distant future.

Even though I'm not eating perfectly, then, a positive change is afoot!

Day 11 - Water fast day!

I didn't do the water fast.

I'm just not ready yet. I gave it a go but to be honest I wasn't committed from the outset - I had my doubts before I began. Already by late morning I was hungry and I lost it! I ate some cooked food - bread and hommus - breaking the raw cleanse for the first time!

And you know what? It wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't a tragedy. I'd gotten really intense with myself about not cheating, feeling that if I once cheated then it would be easier and easier to do again, but it's actually no big deal. I didn't enjoy my cooked snack nearly as much as I thought, and now I'm back on the program and not sweating it.

Because I just can't mentally face the water fast today, I've been eating very basic, simple raw foods. Orange juice, tomatoes, a few almonds. I'm drinking lots of water and sun tea and I feel fine. For dinner tonight I'll have a green smoothie - fast to prepare, yummy and satisfying.

I did yoga again this morning and gee it felt tough today! Maybe these light-eating days are stripping my energy a bit, or maybe it's a symptom of detox? Either way I'm happy to go with the flow and just see what happens.

Jinjee talks about trying to learn from every experience, including 'cheating' on the program. I learned today that actually the raw foods we've been having are sooooo much yummier than any cooked food! We have cakes and goodies in our house at the moment, courtesy of friends who brought them to a gathering yesterday, and even the smell of them is unappetising to me. The smell of a ripe aprocot on the other hand - I feel as though I can smell it like I've never smelled it before. So rich and complex and delicious!

Another thing I can learn from is to try and figure out why the water fast is too intimidating for me right not. One reason is that I don't want to eliminate the one aspect of my day the can be relied on to be pleasurable! How sad is that - eating as my reliable joy! It's great motivation to cultivate little indulgences that aren't based on food.

Onward!

Day 10

I think this will be a short posting as it is late and we've had a full-on day!

Food has been great again. Today was a day of all liquid foods in preparation for tomorrow's water fast. I am still nrevous about it! I just want it to be here so I acn do it and not worry about doing it anymore. Then it will be done and the mystery and fear will be gone!

Depite being liquid today's food was filling and satisfying. Lots of grapefruit juice for breakfast - I mean around a litre of freshly squeezed juice! Yum! I was zinging and felt high and light afterwards. It took ages to drink so I took it along in a take-along coffee mug when I went about my day - I looked as though I was getting my morning fix of caffeine but it was a much purer and more satisfying energy source! Hee hee.

Lunch was a blended watermelon and that was great! Also amazingly filling and satisfying.

Dinner was a smoothie - one of my favourites.

Dealing with emotional detox has been quite a rollercoaster these last few days and it's much more 'raw' (pardon the pun) without food. Right now I am really frustrated. All I want to do is to go into the kitchen and eat bread and feel better. It's a graphic illustration of the numbing role food has played for me. I feel that all day I've been trying to keep everyone happy and do things for other people and this evening, when I went to do yoga, just half an hour of something for myself, my baby woke up after 7 minutes and that's all I got to do.

But.

Today's happiness exercise is to write positively. To notice all the good things happening to me.
I saw some wonderful friends today and our kids played in sheer joy together.
I made some people feel really happy.
I have a wonderful husband who does house work, goes to the shops just before they close for last minute forgotten items, and stays up late when the kids wake in the night so that I can get sleep. Bless!
I am in a position to buy a beautiful bloack of land and grow a lot of food myself.
I love the food I am eating.
Missing out on exercise is the exception rather than the rule for me these days.
My kids love me and when they are sad I can help them to feel better. They share their joy with me and all things are better in their eyes when they share them with me.
I am less and less tempted by cooked food, so the raw fiet is becoming ever easier to follow.
I am brave, curious, supportive, kind, welcoming and (almost always) positive.
I care about other people, animals, the environment and the planet.
My baby is asleep properly now so I can finish my yoga!

Day 9 Epiphany

Today has been a huge day so far - a day of a small but significant personal enlightenment - and it's only lunchtime!

Over the last few days I have been locked in an ever-strngthening craving spiral. Hommus on rustic sourdough bread. I kept thinking about it. Each time the thought came I shut my mind off, planted my mental foot sith a stern 'No!', and found a distraction for myself. Each time that happened, the craving returned a little later, a little stronger. My mind came down stronger, stronger, stronger every time to cut off the thought without any room for discussion. I was feeling deprived - during this deep cleansing week each day's food is very different from the next, but during a single day being limited to only fruit, or only greens, felt like deprivation -  a feeling I didn't have to deal with at all during the first week of the cleanse. I was counting down calendar days unitl I can allow myself that blessed bread and hommus.

Ten minutes ago I got a grip on myself and thought, what's the problem? A slice of bread and hommus, seriously, what is the big deal? After all, I'm doing this voluntarily! If I really need to eat it, I can just eat it! It's not the worst thing I could cheat with by a long shot. 'Just relax,' I told myself, 'you can eat it if you really need it. Your diet is already a million ties better than before, with or without hommus and bread!' And you know what happened then? I lost all 'need' for anything other than the food on today's menu! Turns out I am really a toddler on the inside :-).

After this little epiphany I made lunch. A mixed leaf salad with avocado dressing. Everything except the avocado came from our own vegie garden and it is the freshest, tastiest, most satisfying and nurturing thing I have ever eaten. I don't need or desire anything else - I feel joyful, free, and full of light. I have gone from feeling deprived to feeling indulged, pampered and blessed. How privileged am I!

Day 8

Well we're into Week 2! I say 'we' because the community of people doing this cleanse and posting on the communal forum is just wonderful. I'm definitely not doing this alone. It's lovely to follow other people's experiences along with enjoying my own.

This week is a deep cleansing week and we're easing into, and later will ease out of, a full day of water fasting. Egads! I'm nervous, but so far the cleanse has agreed with me, pretty much, so I can only trust that it will continue to do so. Today was a fruit-only day - juice, a smoothie and a fruit salad. Doesn't sound like much. A few weeks ago I would never have believed that that small menu alone would keep me full. But, as my Mum pointed out to me, the healthier a person is, and the more fully their nutritional needs are met, the less likely they are to want to snack. It makes sense that when our bodies lack particular nutrients we will want to keep eating until we get those nutrients! And it seems that the opposite is also true. I'm feeling less and less snacky as the cleanse goes on, and snack portions have reduced considerably too - I need a lot less to feel full. One date, for example, is plenty now, where I might have eaten four before the cleanse.

I went for a run today. I felt a bit flat, to be honest, and I have a slight headache, and my throat is a little bit sore. Just little niggling things that mean I'm not feeling up to par. I assume that I am detoxing and these little symptoms mean I am getting healthier inside - yeeha! It meant that I ran more slowly than usual, and not quite as far - only about 4kms. Still, it was lovely to be out. I went for a walk as well, so I'm happy! My legs are looking more toned and muscly, which is gratifying to say the least!

Our journal exercise today is to get in touch with our feelings in the moment right now. So, right now I am:
Feeling the air move over my sore throat while I breather, It hurst a little more with each in-breath, so there's a rhythm of mild pain which intensifies then eases. My favourite bit of my breath right now is at the end of the exhalation when all the air is out and I can't fele my throat at all.

I've jsut realised that I'm holding the skin on my face tense because I am tired. I am so very tired. It's a chronic state, I'm sure, for all parents of young children, for most people, in fact. I spend a lot of time resisting tiredness so right now I'm going to surrended to tiredness, to sitting here tired, and just see how it feels. It's not worse, it's a lot more peaceful actually. It;s great for me to do exercises that connect me to the present moment because I do live in my head a lot.

I'm happy but also nervous. I have a huge workload coming up - the uni semester starts soon, we are selling our house, buying land and building, and there's all the flotsam and jetsam of everyday life which is enough as it is. 10 years ago I realised that life is short, very short, perhaps shorter that we think it will be, and if I want to do something I need to do it now, before I lose the chance. So ever since then I've been running towards goals, and while it's given me a life of great fulfilment so far, at times like today the sheer load can seem overwhelming.

Still, when I consider if I would change it --> Not a chance! I love my life and am so excited to have the opportunity to do all the things I do. I wouldn't change a thing!

Day 7

Today has been the most challenging day on this cleanse so far when it comes to cravings. Partly because the novelty of being on the cleanse is wearing off, partly because I haven't had lots of strong cravings yet so I've dropped my guard a bit, but mostly because we are staying at my parents' house today and I am surrounded  by temptation! A million chocolates everywhere I look! Textured grainy bread, hommus, cheese! I haven't really craved cheese since I became vegan two years ago, but today, gosh, it called me. Lasagne... picked gerkhins... I was tempted everywhere I turned. I haven;t cheated and I'm determined not to. I've drawn a line and I won't cross it. Jinjee talks about a 'seal' on one's diet, but for me the visualisation that worked really well is a line in the sand as powerful as it is metaphoric.

Today's menu was a light one, in preparation for the deep cleansing week coming up. Seriously, there will be a water fasting day. I am a little nervous about that, to be sure, but also curious and a little bit excited to have such a new experience. The cleanse so far has been managed well and I trust that the lead in and out of the water fast will make it doable for me. Actually today I forgot to have breakfast  I was busy and didn't realise I hadn't eaten anything until I got hungry at 11:30! Lunch was a delicious gazpacho and dinner was a salad. I'm a lucky girl since salad has always been a favourite meal of mine.

My exercise session today was a real highlight - I am a cyclist again! It has been so long since I trained on my bike that I was starting to think of myself as a former cyclist. I love it so much and this morning I got on my bike on the rollers and loved it! Even just getting dressed in my cycling gear was a thrill. I only rode for 15 minutes, but I was exhausted after that since I've only ever ridden rollers a couple of times many years ago. I am a total beginner and they are hard to ride! I put the bike into a really hard gear because rollers are easier when you've got something to push against, so after that 15 minutes I was pouring with sweat and my legs were shaking. Never mind, it was great fun and exhilarating and enough of a confidence-boost that I know I can get on tomorrow and have a longer and better session.

Today's happiness exercise asked us to reflect upon 'What is your life trying to teach you?' Another thought-provoking exercise. At the moment I feel that I'm learning what is important to me (minimising suffering and maximising love and support in every context). I'm learning to simplify, to become less materialistic and more global and long-term in my priorities.

I am still glad I'm on this cleanse and very glad I haven't cheated, but gee I'm glad today is over and tomorrow is a new beginning!

Day 6

Well I feel soooooooo much better today. I feel great! I've lost weight too! I haven't weighed myself since the start of the cleanse, but today I wore shorts that haven't fit me for a year... they didn't fit me as recently as last week! *grinning!* My stomach looks flatter and my posture has improved. Boo-yah!

Today for the first time on this cleanse we had a meal which I probably won't make again. The breakfast juice was amazing and lunch was great, but the coleslaw for dinner was not my favourite. I've just never really loved coleslaw - I like it, but as a meal on its own I got a bit bored. Then again, is my food supposed to entertain me? I didn't get any strong cravings for non-raw food today. I spent a lot of time before the cleanse started thinking of potentially craving-inducing scenarios and devising raw options to replace cooke dones. Today we went to a cafe and I was very happy with a freshly squeezed orange juice - I felt that the others at the table were missing out, not having anything as luscious as my drink!

I went for a run today and it was lovely to be out and breathing deeply! It wasn't my most fun run ever - after a few days off the first run back is never quite as smooth as usual - but once I got warmed up I really enjoyed it. It's nice to be 'back'!

Today's happiness is a challenging one. To write a list of things I don't like about myself and my behaviour, then go back and write a positive aspect of each negative trait. A few I've tackled are:

Perfectionist --> Using my energy to make my life the best it can be while I have it.
Not enough sleep --> Making the most out of life by doing lots of activities.
Obsessive about goals --> Achiever.
Judgemental --> Committed to my values.
Inconsistent in my exercise --> I prioritise my family.

This is a really hard exercise and it took me ages just to get these four points down. It will be interesting to re-visit this exercise in time.

Day 5

Only day 5! It feels like day 100.

I am detoxing. Deeeeeeeeeeeetox. Detox detox detox detox detox. Detox. Aaaarghh!

Well, ok, it's not terrible but it's certainly uncomfortable. Headache - my whole head feels as though it's filled with way too much stuff, and the stuff is trying to explode my head and burst forth! My glands are swollen and I feel exhausted.

The detox process has brought with it cravings - significant cravings, for the first time since the cleanse began. I'm, craving all the food that's bad for me and would calm my head and 'blug' me down. But... I didn't eat any of it! I prepared it for my family and didn't have a single taste, and it wasn't torture. I snacked on fruit instead, and sun tea. The sun teas really helped, and I'm lucky that it's Summer and delicious peaches annd grapes are in season. Mmmmmmm!

Once again today's recipes were delicious. Because I am feeling blerky and lethargic I wanted to eat more than usual. I suspect that my body's thinking 'ooh, I'm tired, I'd better eat more to gain more energy'. So I ate all of each meal where in the past few days I haven't been hungry enough to finish them all.

Exercise? Yoga. I haven't done it yet today but as soon as this post is done and the dishes are washed I'll stretch and bend myself into feeling a bit better.

The happiness exercise for the day has to do with positive thinking! Very timely! I haven't done it yet - I'll do it when the kids are in bed.

Out journal exercise is to reflect on our favourite forms of movement. I love to move! I can't think of a physical sport or recreation that I don't enjoy. As a teenager and in my early 20's I did a lot of hiking, rock climbing, canyoning and caving. I still love all of those activities and look forward to doing them all again when the kids are old enough to take with me. Rock climbing, particularly, is a meditative activity and one that is wonderful for both my mind and body. It seems to really connect me with the earth in both a physical and metaphoric sense.

When I met my husband he taught me to wind surf, and I wish I could do it every day! It's such a rush and so much fun. Exhilarating. I'd love to learn to surf waves - my reward to myself when I finish this cleanse and the 28-day cleanse with no cheating will be a surfing lesson! I figure I'll have saved enough money for a lesson by not buying takeaway coffees and other unhealthy fast foods.

1o years ago my husband and I bought push bikes and cycled along Tasmania's East coast. We loved cycling  - so much so that we eventually joined a local club and began racing. We both love it! My husband has raced for nearly 7 years now, while I've had a couple of breaks when I was pregnant and had newborns. This year I'll start racing again. I love riding in a bunch - the way it moves like a school of fish, the way you need to 'read' a race and use smart tactics to do well. I've challenged myself physically racing the bike more than in any other sporting endeavour I've done.

These days running is my primary sport. It's fun, invigorating, and I can take the kids wtih me. My son rides his bike and I take my daughter in the pram. I'm still getting back into it after having a break when my daughter was born, but I'm running a few times a week now and starting to feel like the 'old me' again.

This cleanse has been the best thing for me so far. I'd never before eaten raw food for 5 days straight (actually 6, because I started a day early!). I already feel so much more confident in my abilities to suck it up and do what I want to do to achieve my goals. I'm not worried any mroe that I'll cheat - I just won't. This confidence boost is great and I'm looking forward to applying it to the rest of the cleanse and also to other aspects of my life.

Day 4

It's dinner time on day 5 and I just don't feel like preparing. So I'm snacking on a carrot and brazil nuts, and I'l probably just leave it at that.

Today for the first time since beginning the cleanse I am feeling something that could be detox - a mild but annoying headache, tiredness, and a general lethargy. It could also be because I haven't drunk as much water today as I have on the previous days of the cleanse. I'm feeling generally quite 'blah'.

I have, however, once again really enjoyed the food on today's menu. The breakfast smoothie (banana, orange and strawberries) was amazing - my husband thought so too. He's enjoying the food on this cleanse as much as I am! One of my favourite friends visited for lunch. I served the raw pate with vegetable sticks and it was great! I also cooked eggs for my friend and my son, and served bread and cheese, and didn't have the slightest desire to have any myself. Later, when we went for a walk and stopped for coffee, I would have loved a hot chocolate but went for a lukewarm tea - it was lovely and as soon as I tasted it I was glad I'd got that instead of cheating with a hot chocolate. Hot chocolate/coffee breaks are one of those habits that I aim to change - if I swap them for sun tea than I'm a healthier happier lass!

Exercise-wise I have been struggling with this 'flat' feeling so I did some stretching and yoga poses, which always make me feel great and so much 'lighter'.

Oooooh I'm so tired. I really really want to lunge into the kitchen right now and eat great mouthfuls of hommus and bread, sultanas and nuts, to cheer myself up and give me that warm, satiated, overstuffed feeling. But I'm just keeping myself at my computer and keeping typing and in a minute I'll have a nice warm shower, and another big glass of water, and soon I'll feel fine again. I'm shutting my mind on thoughts of any of the behaviours that I want to avoid.

Today's happiness exercise is directed exactly at developing behaviours and habits that combat compulsive eating, so I think the way I'm feeling must be typical of day 4, and the exercise has been assigned with that in mind. What a happy thought that is! Help and friendly advice just when I need it :-)

For our journal exercise today we need to list favourite things. I don't generally pick favourites. I love so many things, in different ways and for different reasons, that picking just one seems inaccurate and overly simplistic. Like choosing favourites between my children - impossible! But I did this cleanse to be challenged so why not give the 'favourties' exercise a go? In the understanding, of course, that my choices reflect only how I feel in this moment right now:

My favourite music: Swing jazz.
My favourite books: Beautifully illustrated books about interior design.
My favourite films: Foreign-language ones on tv - the ones that make it onto tv in Australia are all fantastic.
My favourite places: Mountain ranges far removed from human settlement.
My favourite other things: Massages. Keeping going during a hard interval of running or cycling. My children's kisses.

Day 3

Well the 21-day cleanse is still going well and I'm amazed that I'm not struggling with it at all so far! In the past when I've 'gone raw' I've lasted maybe a day at the most before eating some cooked food again, and the whole time it's been a battle of my desire and my will. I really think the difference comes down to the motivation provided by the fact that I'm doing a proper program. In the past there's been no objective reason to pick a particular day to start, a particular time to start saying no to cooked foods that I enjoy, whereas now there's a defined date and duration. It's great and makes things much easier for me!

Cooked foods have becomed me a couple of times today, in situations where I'd usually just grab them without thinking. A cooked piece of pasta that fell onto the bench while I was preparing dinner for my family. My son's leftover snacks - rice crackers, a slice of bread with avocado. Normally I'd eat these little bits but today I either packed them up for later or threw them away depending on the situation. Yay me! It wasn't a huge struggle but I definitely have to just shut my mind off when it starts wanting cooked food. I'm also being forced to be mindful of what I'm doing - it's so easy to eat out of habit, almost without being aware of it. This increased mindfulness can only be good for me, I'm thinking!

This afternoon I needed an emotional lift - I've had a trying day with my son in 38 degree (C) heat, and while I can understand him being grumpy in the heat it did get on my nerves. I ate a few dates to give me the fortitude to continue with the day - and it worked! In the past choclate would have fulfilled that purpose but not anymore - yeeha! Dates are such a graet chocolate substitute.

Today's food was fantastic - yummy and new and *incredibly* plentiful. There was so much to eat! For the first time in this cleanse I've come across meals that I've not made before - celery chowder and a raw pie. They were great! Also for the first time I;ve made some substitutions. The celery chowder called for a coconut, and I've never opened one before. I watched the instructions but couldn't get the thing open, for all the bashing I did! Little bits of coconut husk were a-flying! I used avocado in the recipe instread, which worked really well. The other substitution was in the pie, where I substituted strawberries (in-season and scrumptious) for apples (out-of-season and erky). Yum!

I was keen to incorporate exercise into my day mroe successfully today, so I put on my running clothes and announced to my son that he could ride his bike with me while I went for a run with the pram! He was not keen to say the least, and by the time he came around the temperature was already very high. Instead we put on a CD and danced around our lounge room for ages. We walked to the bus stop and all over town as well. Last night I did Koya's workout, which is great, and I'll do that again tonight. So I'm getting some exercise, even if not as much or as structured as I'd like.

Our happiness exercise today involved thinking of things we are grateful for. The list goes on for so long - infinitely actually. I am one happy positive chicky right now.

Our journal exercise today is to contemplate 'why' raw. The day before the cleanse started I wrote the following list of things I am excited about and looking forward to:

• Reaching new heights within myself (i.e. being a better me).
• Radiance, slenderness, improved personal power (over desire).
• Achieving a challenging goal.
• Freedom from slavery to desire.
• The chance to test my mettle.
• Weight loss.
• Sense of self-efficacy.
• A perspective shift such that I come to view raw cuisine as a complete cuisine unto itself, and a viable option for me anytime.
• Learning how to eat a balanced raw diet.
• Learning a variety of tasty new recipes.

More 'before' photos

Here are some more 'before' photos, which will probably make comparison with 'after' shots a bit easier than the last ones:

Eeek! I feel very brave posting these online!

Day 2

Day 2! It's been a lovely day. I really enjoyed my raw meals and boy, were they plentiful! Grapefruit juice breakfast - I never would have believed that grapefruit juice alone would keep me full and satisfied for four hours before I even started to think about eating anything else! Brilliant! The Mineralising salad for lunch and the salsa wraps for dinner were great. I made the wraps into a salad because I found that neater to eat. The food on this program is, so far, zesty, fresh, juicy and delicious. Each mouthful is a happy little flavour explosion - it is lovely! Although I won't shake the cayenne pepper jar quite so much next time :-). My husband and son have been eating the raw food too, along with some cooked food. They're enjoying the recipes as much as I am so far and it makes cooking for us all a lot easier if I integrate my food into their diet as well.

I had a couple of moments when I looked at cooked food I was preparing for my son and husband - homemade pumpkin gnocchi with a sundried tomato sauce - and thought, mmmm, if I wasn't doing this cleanse I'd enjoy that. Also, sitting at the computer I tend to want to snack - it's an unhelpful little snackety snack habit that I have. No 'cravings' thus far though, nothing I've had to muster real mental energy to resist. I can understand now why people say it's easier to be 100% raw than 99%. The line is drawn and the temptation to cheat seems lessened.

Exercise wise, not much happened today. I have found that since my daughter's birth I struggle to get back into a routine with exercise. I really forget to schedule it into my days, having become used to not moving much since the end of my pregnancy. It was about 5:30pm today before I remembered! Never mind, tonight when the kids are asleep I'll do the video workout that comes with the program, and some stretching. I am chronically tight in my hamstrings and I'm starting to stretch to try and improve them. That's something I'm really focusing on during this program - integrating stretching into my days so that it becomes something I do as a matter of course.

Today's journal exercise has to do with fears - identifying them and beginning to gain clarity and perspective on them. I found this exercise deceptively hard. Superficially it was easy-peasy to identify fears - being hit by a car when I'm riding my bike, losing a roll of film from a client's photo shoot, something bad hapenning to my children. That last one is every parent's true horror, I'm sure. But as far as getting really deeply into fears that might be holding me back from enjoying the best 'me' that I can, I'm findng that concept hard to engage with. My first reaction is 'I have no fears', which makes me think I must not be ready at the moment, or in the correct frame of mind, to gain the most benefit from this exercise today. Still, that's an insight in itself - that although I undoubtedly have hidden fears, I'm not ready to look them in the eye... yet.

My raw energy burst shows no sign of stopping... I feel great!

The close of Day 1...

Well Day 1 has been lovely. I enjoyed the food - great recipes and quick and easy to prepare. Chop a bit of this, mash a bit of that - bingo!

I've already come up against what I think will be a challenge for me during this cleanse - the need to be organised because my days are often unpredictable! Today we unexpectedly stayed with my husband's parents for dinner, and during the day were away from home longer than we initially anticipated. I am really glad that I had packed a bag of yummy fruit as well as the ingredients I needed to make my raw dinner. My in-laws are lovely about me preparing my own food - they're used to me doing things that are a bit left-of-centre (vegan, barefoot running) and are happy to go with the flow.

I loved exercise today. I'm generally quite active - at least I was before I had my daughter, and I'm just starting to get a little bit fit again now. I had a good brisk walk with the pram, then a paddle in a kayak. It was an easy day but it was nice just to be moving.

Whether it's the raw food or just my excitement about finally beginning this cleanse, I felt an amazing energy while I was walking today. I was filled with light and happiness and felt as if I could float away. watching my son fly his kite I felt as if I was a kite myself - joyous, laughing in the breeze and snapping with energy. Hackneyed cliches filled my thoughts: 'this is right for me right now', 'the time is now', 'I am me and the world is golden', but as predictable as these cliches are, they are as true for me right now as they have ever been for anyone. Everything was racing - my mind was full but not frantic, my legs hummed with energy and I wanted to keep on walking forever.

One series of thoughts that I had during my walk had to do with raw food, love, and nurturing. If God is love and nurture, then raw foods for me are Godly. Raw food eliminates the pain and suffering of animals involved in animal agriculture, and many of the workers involved in that industry. It nurtures the world by reducing carbon outputs in many ways. Raw food is a way I can nurture and love myself and the world. The radiance which filled me today truly felt divine and I am thrilled to have experienced it.

More on Day 1

I just wanted to add some more on why I joined this program. I have been having trouble eating well and part of that comes from being a mum of young children. I spend my days putting other people's needs before my own, being spoken to in bossy ways (my son is 3! He is actually really well behaved but like all 3 year olds he does love to test the boundaries) and cleaning up their mess. We're also living on one income at the moment so the budget is tight. All in all it can be hard to find times and ways in which to indulge myself and feel pampered and special. So for the last year or so I've been indulging myself with food - little bits grabbed here and there to give me psychological lifts throughout the day. This cleanse is my way of indulging myself in a proactive and positive way. I have spent a lot more money than I normally spend on myself in order to do it, and boy do I feel special and pampered by the process! *smile*

Introduction and day 1

Hello! Welcome to my blog chronicling my raw food adventures over the next 7 weeks. I've waited for this for a long time! Yippee-yi-yay!

First, an introduction:

I am a 31 year old mum, photographer, teacher, runner, and vegan. My favourite colour is pink (it makes my skin glow!) and I am learning to sew. My favourite thing in the world is the feeling of my babies' faces pressed against mine, or sleeping on my shoulder.

Today I've started doing something really fun! I've joined The Garden Diet's 21-day Cleanse, to be followed by their 28-Day Transition to Raw program (check the programs out here: http://www.thegardendiet.com/).

I've been checking out these programs for the last year and a half, and reading Jinjee's daily inspiration emails, and finally the time is right for me to join in and go for a complete raw transformation. Thiw time is right simply beacuse I feel it to be so - I am ready and excited!

So what am I hoping to transform? Firstly, I want to lose the remainder of my baby weight, a couple of dress sizes, so that I'll once again fit into all the beautiful clothes I wore before I had kids. After I had my son nearly 4 years ago I did lose all the weight, but I did it by simply not eating much. I ended up very slender but I also had dark rings under my eyes, picked up every cold going around, and lacked the glowing energy that people who eat raw foods seem to have. My daughter is five months old now, and this time I want to lose weight in a healthy way, expand my boundaries and my experiences, and have fun along the way!

Apart from weight loss, other goals are:

1. Change my perceptions. I want to move from viewing raw food as part of a healthy diet to considering it as a complete cuisine unto itself, which offers everything I need both nutritionally and spiritually, without me 'missing out' by not eating cooked foods. I want to walk past cooked foods without even considering them as applicable to me. I know it;s possible, because I've done it with animal foods and I don;t even look twice at them now despite having had a strong love of cheese and yoghurt in years gone by.

2. Glow glow glow and feel vibrant, healthy and energetic.

3. Integrate exercise back into my daily life - I was once fairly fit and I long to recapture that feeling.

4. Get over thinking about food all the time in a negative, guilty, deprication-oriented way and instead bubble with joy at the beautiful raw foods I am lucky enough to be able to enjoy.

So this is day 1 of the program!
I started off behind the 8-ball as I had forgotten to shop for the program's ingredients before the New Year's weekend. As a result I woke up today with no oranges for breaky... I felt amazingly positive though, and happy, and solved that problem without a worry. I had a couple of cups of sun tea, popped the kids in the car and went shopping for the first few days' ingredients. Came back and made that juice - mmmmmm! Now I feel abuzz with motivation and energy. My husband is not at work today and so I'm looking forward to a beautiful family day together. Bliss!

So here is a 'before' photo:

Hmm I didn't realise how tired I look. I am *really* looking forward to the 'after' photos! :-)